{"title":"Fresh","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"some-shitty-people-are-like-clouds-when-they-disappear-its-a-beautiful-day-candle","title":"Some Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Clean Cotton + Lily Florals\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome people really do have a remarkable talent for sucking the sunshine out of every fucking room they enter. Then they finally disappear and suddenly... birds are singing, your blood pressure drops, and life feels suspiciously fucking lovely. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Sometimes the best weather forecast is simply “that prick has left.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with fresh clean cotton, delicate lily florals, and a hint of “finally, some fucking peace and quiet,” this candle smells like opening every window after a toxic bastard has left the building. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for cleansing your space of bad vibes, unnecessary drama, and people who somehow turn every conversation into a fucking hostage situation.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when someone you can't stand leaves the room. Take a deep breath, enjoy the silence, and appreciate how fucking beautiful life becomes when the human cloud has fucked off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause sudden happiness, improved mood, spontaneous dancing, and the shocking discovery that you actually quite like life when certain people aren't ruining it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53805969113435,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_17.png?v=1787000230"},{"product_id":"a-blue-whales-bumhole-can-stretch-to-3-a-half-feet-making-it-the-second-largest-arsehole-on-the-planet-after-your-ex-candle","title":"A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026 A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Marine Horizon + Salt Water\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNature is fascinating. Majestic oceans, beautiful marine life and the comforting reminder that no matter how vast the sea is, somehow your ex still manages to be the biggest arsehole in existence. Not just a bit of an arse. Not even a large arse. Only record-breaking, history-making, absolutely unmatched level of arseholery. The kind that deserves its own Attenborough documentary attached with a warning label. To think evolution had peaked until it produced that. This candle is your salty, sea-breezy tribute to moving on, levelling up, and laughing at the fact that this kind of arseholery could be seen from space, studied by experts and still leave them asking how the fuck this happened!?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with fresh marine florals, crisp salt water and a hint of “should’ve blocked you sooner,” this candle is your reminder that you escaped something truly spectacularly awful and delivers wave after wave of clarity with a strong undercurrent of knowing you'll never allow that to happen again. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for reminding yourself you deserve oceans better than any swimming red flag, but notably this one.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this every time your brain tries to rewrite history and make them seem less awful than they were. Inhale deeply and let the truth hit you like a tsunami wave. Trust the scent because your past self deserved better. Some things belong, to rot, in the deep blue sea, far away from you.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause aggressive closure and the sudden realisation that your ex wasn’t just an arsehole, they were the benchmark for all future disappointments. Thank your past self for finally binning the waste of oxygen so that you can now pretend they were a mere glitch in the matrix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845940011355,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_20.png?v=1787262871"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/FRUITY_13.png?v=1787263557","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/fresh.oembed","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}