{"title":"Fruity","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"may-his-teeth-fall-out-when-he-smiles-at-other-bitches","title":"May His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Nectarine Blossom + Strawberry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eI'm not saying be jealous... I'm just saying \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eif he’s out there flashing that smile at women he has absolutely no business smiling at, then a small, deeply satisfying part of you still hopes the universe restores order in the pettiest form -\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e hoping karma clocks in for overtime. May his flirting flop, his chat dry up, and may that smug little smile lose a few fucking teeth along the way. If he's going to act like he's God's gift to women, he can do it while sipping soup through a straw.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy nectarine blossom, sweet strawberry, and a hint of \"fuck around and find out\" this candle is equal parts sweet, petty, and delightfully vindictive. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for embracing your inner menace without having to lift a perfectly manicured finger yet \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ealso fully capable of wishing minor dental disasters upon disloyal men.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever he starts acting like loyalty is a suggestion instead of the bare fucking minimum. Then sit back and let the universe handle the rest.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in uncontrollable pettiness, suspiciously timed dental emergencies, and the overwhelming belief that the universe has an exceptional sense of humour when it comes to karma and comedic timing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777355309403,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_11.png?v=1786655419"},{"product_id":"when-life-gives-you-lemons-squeeze-them-in-peoples-eyes-candle","title":"When Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Sparkling Sicilian Lemonade\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eLife is always banging on about \"making lemonade\" but fuck that. Some people deserve a refreshing beverage. Other people deserve a face full of citrus. They say revenge is toxic but in reality vitamin C is an essential nutrient. If life insists on handing you lemons, don't waste them making drinks for people who make your life miserable. Aim higher... preferably towards the source of your fucking irritation.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with sparkling Sicilian lemonade and a hint of \"citric acid with attitude,\" this candle is fresh, zingy, and as subtle as a brick through a window. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for anyone whose last shred of patience expired three minor inconveniences ago.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe best revenge is living well... but imagining this is a very close second.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause excessive cackling, dangerously low tolerance for dickheads and an irrational urge to carry lemons everywhere \"just in case.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777383031131,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_12.png?v=1786656259"},{"product_id":"i-give-my-job-the-same-energy-it-gives-me-absolutely-fucking-none-candle","title":"I Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Black Pomegranate + Plum\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eSome people wake up excited for work. You wake up wondering how a single job managed to suck this much life out of a human being. Every day is the same soul-draining cycle of endless emails, pointless meetings and pretending you give even half a shit about the company's “vision”. You don’t hate working… you just hate this job, these emails, these meetings and your boss asking if you’ve got “five minutes” like they aren't about to steal the last remaining fragment of your will to live.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith dark, juicy notes of black pomegranate, rich ripe plum and a hint of “I’m not paid enough for this shit,” it’s bold, indulgent and far more satisfying than doing the absolute bare minimum required to remain technically employed, while protecting your last surviving brain cell from the shit show circus. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while you stare at your screen, wondering how one inbox can contain so much bullshit.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this before your next meeting and practice the ancient corporate survival skills: nodding occasionally, saying “good point” and contributing absolutely nothing of value -just like the meeting itself. Stretch that lunch break, mute that meeting and preserve what little soul this place hasn’t already devoured.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause extreme disinterest in “team-building,” excessive clock-watching and the sudden urge to close your laptop the second it hits 5pm. Side effects include protecting your last remaining shred of soul, advanced levels of workplace detachment and giving the job exactly the same energy it gives you - absolutely fucking none.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777420222811,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Astrollogy5.png?v=1786656820"},{"product_id":"deja-poo-the-felling-ive-heard-this-shit-before-candle","title":"Deja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Summer Watermelon + Fruits\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know the moment where someone starts talking and suddenly you’re hit with the strange but familiar sensation… like you’ve heard this exact same load of absolute shit before. The dramatic storytelling that somehow keeps repeating itself like a badly written sequel nobody asked for. This candle is for those moments when you realise it’s not déjà vu - it’s the unsettling realisation that you’re once again being served the same recycled crap, assaulting your ears like it’s brand new information. Spoiler: it fucking isn’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith juicy notes of fresh watermelon, sweet fruit and a hint of “this sounds like, last week's bullshit,” it’s bright, fruity, and far more refreshing than the verbal diarrhoea currently being misrepresented as conversation. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while you nod politely and internally scream “I’ve heard this shit before.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this the second someone says “hear me out…” because you already know you’ve heard it, you’ve processed it and it was still crap the first time around.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause the sudden urge to say “funny, that’s not what you said last time.” With side effects including zero patience for repeat offenders, elite-level bullshit detection and a deep appreciation for silence over listening to the same tiring fucking nonsense on repeat.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777471308123,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_13.png?v=1786657708"},{"product_id":"karmasutra-when-life-fucks-you-in-all-sorts-of-creative-ways-candle","title":"Karmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eKarmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Coconut Water + Hibiscus Bloom\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou wake up thinking it’ll be a normal day. By lunchtime, life has bent you into three emotional positions you didn’t know existed, kicked your bank balance in the shins, and thrown in a surprise plot twist just for sport. At this point you’re not even shocked - you’re just lying there thinking,that’s definitely a new way to get fucked over.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with refreshing coconut water, vibrant hibiscus and a hint of “are you taking the piss, universe?”, this candle brings a little tropical calm while life continues its Olympic-level bullshit gymnastics. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those moments when the universe decides you’re its favourite stress toy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eKarmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when everything’s gone spectacularly tits up and you need five minutes to laugh, swear and accept that life clearly owns the deluxe edition of the Karmasutra.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eMay cause aggressive eye-rolling, sarcastic enlightenment, and the sudden realisation that the universe absolutely has a sense of humour - and you’re the punchline.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"x_ms-outlook-mobile-body-separator-line\" dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798286131547,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_4.png?v=1786882993"},{"product_id":"may-your-final-stage-of-healing-be-telling-everyone-to-go-fuck-themselves-candle","title":"May Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Himalayan Mango + Papaya\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eApparently healing means forgiveness, acceptance and becoming so spiritually evolved that nothing bothers you anymore. Most often though, healing is actually looking at the person who fucked with your peace, took the piss out of your kindness and finally having the emotional clarity to say, “Go fuck yourself.” Simple closure with a very satisfying amount of profanity.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy Himalayan mango, luscious papaya and a hint of “I've finally stopped giving a fuck,” this candle is tropical sweetness with a savage fucking attitude. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for celebrating the moment you stop trying to understand why someone treated you like shit and start understanding that their behaviour is their fucking problem.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever you're somewhere between forgiving the unforgivable and being everyone’s emotional punch bag, because enlightenment hit you like a brick but the real glow-up is realising half the people around you are the problem. Simply admire your newfound emotional maturity from a safe fucking distance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause you to relax in the quiet satisfaction of finally choosing your peace over other people’s drivel and the sudden ability to remove them from your life without writing a fucking dissertation explaining why.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798305792347,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_14.png?v=1786883649"},{"product_id":"i-spiritually-align-with-the-praying-mantis-cos-i-dont-chase-men-i-lure-them-in-then-emotionally-devour-them-candle","title":"I Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Pink Yuzu Sorbet + Jasmine\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWho knew the praying mantis was basically the original femme fatale: beautiful, mysterious, perfectly composed and absolutely fucking lethal. No three-month talking stage. Just seduce, devour, devastate. She's the patron saint of women who've realised chasing men is exhausting when you can simply sit pretty and let them wander into your perfectly scented emotional death trap. Why pursue when you can lure, charm, emotionally dismantle and move on.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with zesty pink yuzu sorbet, intoxicating jasmine, and a hint of “Off with his head” this candle is sweet, seductive and absolutely fucking unhinged. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for channeling your inner femme fatale while attracting the attention and letting men confidently walk themselves into their own emotional downfall.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDon't chase him. Don't convince him. Don't explain yourself. Let the little fucker walk directly into the trap because the mantis doesn't ghost - she consumes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause dangerously high levels of femme fatal energy, seductive eye contact, reduced sympathy for fuckboys and an increased tendency to view emotionally unavailable men as walking fucking appetisers.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845128184155,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_18.png?v=1787259881"},{"product_id":"10-000-light-years-isnt-enough-space-from-some-people-candle","title":"10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Raspberry + Lemon Tonic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAstronauts train for years to experience the kind of peace you've been trying to obtain just by avoiding that one person. This candle is for the soul that needs serious distance - from the energy vampires, the drama magnets and the loud chewers of the world. Some people don't need a little personal space, just a one-way ticket to the Great Void. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a blend of cosmic raspberry, fizzy lemon tonic and just a hint of “Houston, we have a huge fucking problem” this scent is pure intergalactic solitude in a jar and delightfully out of this world. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for creating your own little universe where drama, bullshit and irritating humans only exist beyond the milky way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this to cleanse your orbit of unwanted energy, unwanted fucking humans and for when you feel like launching yourself into space or someone else into the sun. As long as it's far above the fucking stratosphere, either works\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSide effects may include stellar fantasies of people vanishing into blackholes, fewer idiots in your orbit and a strong desire to live in another dimension... ALONE\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845658075483,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_2.png?v=1787261230"},{"product_id":"some-people-just-suck-the-nice-right-out-of-you-candle","title":"Some People Just Suck The Nice Right Out Of You Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSome People Just Suck The Nice Right Out Of You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Smoky Sandalwood + Raspberry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eYou tried. You smiled. You were polite. And still - someone came along and emotionally drained you like a budget Dracula in a toxic situationship.\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"mark0vnf917bc uM2yb\"\u003eCongrats\u003c\/span\u003e, you're now one bad conversation away from rising out of your crypt and hissing at anyone who breathes near you.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eInfused with notes of smoky sandalwood, seductive raspberry and a hint of “bite me”, this candle is for the undead sass queen within. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for recharging your dark soul after another encounter with energy-sucking mortals.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSome People Just Suck The Nice Right Out Of You - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when you're one petty comment away from snapping your fangs and writing people out of your afterlife.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause spontaneous cloaking in velvet, high standards, and the urge to only associate with creatures of the night. Crosses, garlic and bad vibes not welcome.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54040058331483,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_25.png?v=1789248746"},{"product_id":"the-desire-to-build-a-man-from-scratch-because-the-dating-pool-is-fucking-horrific-candle","title":"The Desire To Build A Man From Scratch Because The Dating Pool Is Fucking Horrific Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Desire To Build A Man From Scratch Because The Dating Pool Is Fucking Horrific\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Sticky Toffee Apple\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDating these days? A horror shit-show. Between the red flags, ghosting, and emotionally unavailable man-children, it's no wonder you're eyeing up a thunderstorm and some spare limbs like a DIY project. This candle is for the hopeless romantic who's one bad Hinge date away from going full Frankenstein.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWith electrifying notes of soured apple, sticky toffee and a hint of “stitched together standards,” it brings monstrous charm and zero emotional baggage. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while drafting blueprints for the perfect man - tall, dark and ... silent. (Or at least one that doesn’t mansplain!)\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eThe Desire To Build A Man From Scratch Because The Dating Pool Is Fucking Horrific - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBest enjoyed while muttering “I can fix him… literally.” Lab coat optional, sarcasm required. It’s perfect for long nights in the lab plotting how to replace men with something... functional.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay spark the urge to yell “IT’S ALIVE” every time a delayed text message arrives. Can cause side effects such as raging independence, unrealistic standards (as they should be) and a renewed appreciation for fictional monsters over real-life ones. Use caution near lightning and emotionally unavailable weirdos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54040084447579,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_26.png?v=1789249339"},{"product_id":"bitchcraft-the-art-of-pissing-people-off-by-telling-the-truth-candle","title":"Bitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eBitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Rich Blackcurrant \u0026amp; Dark Plum\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWhy cast spells when you can just tell the truth and watch everyone lose their fucking shit? This candle is for the witches who don’t whisper, they roast. Perfect for the ones who know honesty isn’t polite - it’s weaponised. Light it, speak your mind, while watching everyone else scramble for their comfort crystals.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWith sharp notes of blackcurrant, scorched plum, and a hint of “watch this bitchery\" it radiates chaotic energy with zero apologies. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for unleashing savage truths, hexing annoying humans, or just reminding everyone why fear of you is well-earned.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eBitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBest enjoyed while laughing maniacally at someone’s meltdown, sharpening your broomstick, and imagining your hat as a mic for dropping brutal truth bombs. Extra points if anyone cries - it's basically free entertainment\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a terrifyingly high level of unbothered energy, sudden excommunications from group chats, and a reputation for being “too much” (translation: you told the truth). Side effects may include power surges, evil laughs and being the witch they should’ve never fucked with.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54059332075867,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_27.png?v=1789419386"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/FRUITY_2.png?v=1786658450","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/fruity.oembed","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}