{"title":"Gourmet","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"front-row-tickets-to-the-abysmal-shitshow-thats-life","title":"Front Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life","description":"\u003ch2\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Buttered Toffee Popcorn\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan class=\"markestkuypjz uM2yb\"\u003eCongratulations\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e! You've been upgraded to front row for the longest-running fucking disaster known to humanity: your own life. Tonight's performance includes questionable decisions, unexpected bills, emotional damage, people behaving like absolute cunts, and at least one plot twist nobody fucking asked for. The best part? You're both the audience and the fucking cast.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with buttery toffee, freshly popped popcorn and a hint of “well, this is going to be fucking interesting,” this candle is the perfect popcorn-filled soundtrack to life's ongoing catastrophe and infinitely more enjoyable than whatever fresh bullshit life has decided to throw at you today. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for sitting back, lighting the fuse and watching the shit show unfold from the best seat in the house.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen life starts falling apart, don't panic. Grab the popcorn, light this candle and remember: at least you're getting a fucking front-row view.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause inappropriate laughter during personal crises, dangerously high levels of sarcasm and the sudden realisation that your life has enough plot twists to qualify for it's own series on Netflix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800216527195,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_16.png?v=1786911589"},{"product_id":"when-i-say-have-a-nice-day-remember-that-the-fucker-is-silent-candle","title":"When I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Coco Caramel + Macadamia\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e“Have a nice day” - The socially acceptable way of saying “I sincerely hope you fuck off motherfucker.” Because apparently telling someone exactly what you think is “rude”, so we smile sweetly, maintain eye contact and hide an entire fucking expletive behind six innocent little words. It’s basically emotional camouflage for people who have exhausted every ounce of their patience.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with creamy coco caramel, indulgent macadamia, and a hint of “go fuck yourself, but make it polite,” this candle is sweet enough to disguise the sheer amount of contempt in the room. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those moments when murder is frowned upon but passive aggression is still technically legal.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen someone has pissed you off beyond comprehension, smile sweetly and say, “Have a nice day.” Then walk away knowing the fucker is silent, but the message is crystal fucking clear.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause weaponised politeness and an uncontrollable urge to say “have a nice day” to people who absolutely fucking deserve a different greeting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800229536091,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/When_I_Say_Have_A_Nice_Day_Remember_That_The_Fucker_Is_Silent_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786915539"},{"product_id":"youre-batshit-crazy-but-running-with-it-because-its-cheaper-than-therapy-candle","title":"You're Batshit Crazy But Running With It Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eYou're Batshit Crazy But Running With It Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Toasted Walnut + Maple Syrup\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou’ve flapped straight past the point of sanity and built yourself a little nest in the rafters of chaos—and honestly? It suits you. Why fake normal when you can be the most fabulous flavour of deranged in the whole damn roost? This candle is for those who ditched the illusion of “normal” and leaned all the way into the madness - wings out, fangs bared, flying straight into the night.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with toasted walnut, sticky notes of maple syrup and just a hint of “Crazy... but just winging it\" it’s the perfect companion for your batshit era—and unlike therapy, it doesn’t judge or charge by the hour. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s cheaper than therapy and way less likely to get you committed.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eYou're Batshit Crazy But Running With It Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBest burned while hanging upside down from life’s expectations, or dramatically flinging your cape at people who breathe too loudly.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause erratic behaviour, uncontrollable truth-telling and sudden flights of fancy (literal or emotional). Also, might attract bats. Unclear.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54039946920283,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_23.png?v=1789247529"},{"product_id":"i-dont-need-halloween-i-get-ghosted-all-year-round-candle","title":"I Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Cotton Candy + Sweet Vanilla\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy wait for October when your love life’s already a vanishing act? Ghosts? Check. Casually disappearing assholes? Check. Endless “let’s see where this goes” bullshit? Check. This candle is for anyone fed up with texting into the void and getting back… nothing. Zip. Nada. Ghosted like a pro.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith airy swirls of cotton candy, creamy sweet vanilla, and a hint of “disappearing without explanation,” it’s a treat without the trick. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while refreshing your texts for the tenth time… just to confirm they’re never replying.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePairs beautifully with wine, sad love songs and blocking numbers like it’s an Olympic sport.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a sudden realisation that your ghosting streak is longer than some horror movie franchises. Side effects include deleting dating apps at 2 AM… and re-downloading them by 2:15.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54040042340699,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_24.png?v=1789248167"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/FRUITY_9.png?v=1786914660","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/gourmet.oembed","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}