{"title":"Life","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"karmasutra-when-life-fucks-you-in-all-sorts-of-creative-ways-candle","title":"Karmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eKarmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Coconut Water + Hibiscus Bloom\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou wake up thinking it’ll be a normal day. By lunchtime, life has bent you into three emotional positions you didn’t know existed, kicked your bank balance in the shins, and thrown in a surprise plot twist just for sport. At this point you’re not even shocked - you’re just lying there thinking,that’s definitely a new way to get fucked over.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with refreshing coconut water, vibrant hibiscus and a hint of “are you taking the piss, universe?”, this candle brings a little tropical calm while life continues its Olympic-level bullshit gymnastics. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those moments when the universe decides you’re its favourite stress toy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eKarmasutra... When Life Fucks You In All Sorts Of Creative Ways - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when everything’s gone spectacularly tits up and you need five minutes to laugh, swear and accept that life clearly owns the deluxe edition of the Karmasutra.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eMay cause aggressive eye-rolling, sarcastic enlightenment, and the sudden realisation that the universe absolutely has a sense of humour - and you’re the punchline.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"x_ms-outlook-mobile-body-separator-line\" dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798286131547,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_4.png?v=1786882993"},{"product_id":"front-row-tickets-to-the-abysmal-shitshow-thats-life","title":"Front Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life","description":"\u003ch2\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Buttered Toffee Popcorn\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan class=\"markestkuypjz uM2yb\"\u003eCongratulations\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e! You've been upgraded to front row for the longest-running fucking disaster known to humanity: your own life. Tonight's performance includes questionable decisions, unexpected bills, emotional damage, people behaving like absolute cunts, and at least one plot twist nobody fucking asked for. The best part? You're both the audience and the fucking cast.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with buttery toffee, freshly popped popcorn and a hint of “well, this is going to be fucking interesting,” this candle is the perfect popcorn-filled soundtrack to life's ongoing catastrophe and infinitely more enjoyable than whatever fresh bullshit life has decided to throw at you today. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for sitting back, lighting the fuse and watching the shit show unfold from the best seat in the house.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen life starts falling apart, don't panic. Grab the popcorn, light this candle and remember: at least you're getting a fucking front-row view.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause inappropriate laughter during personal crises, dangerously high levels of sarcasm and the sudden realisation that your life has enough plot twists to qualify for it's own series on Netflix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800216527195,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_16.png?v=1786911589"},{"product_id":"people-are-arseholes-just-make-sure-youre-not-the-toilet-paper-candle","title":"People Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Ylang Ylang Bloom + Green Stem\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLet’s face it, people can be absolute fucking arseholes. They’ll dump their problems on you, wipe their emotional shit all over your boundaries all while expecting you to clean up after them like you're the human equivalent of fucking bog roll. But you don't have to be the toilet paper. You can have boundaries, standards and the glorious ability to say, “that's your shit - wipe your own fucking arse.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with delicate ylang ylang bloom, fresh green stems and a hint of “I'm not cleaning up your bullshit,” this candle is floral, fresh and considerably more pleasant than most people. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for protecting your peace, strengthening your boundaries, and reminding everyone else to deal with their own fucking mess.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this whenever someone starts dumping their emotional diarrhoea at your feet. Remember: you're a person, not fucking Andrex. Let them take their shit elsewhere.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause savage boundary-setting, reduced tolerance for emotional diarrhea and the sudden realisation that some people need a therapist, a bin and a roll of toilet paper but none of those things need to be you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800259879259,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/People_Are_Arseholes_Just_Make_Sure_You_re_Not_The_Toilet_Paper_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786916208"},{"product_id":"i-dont-need-halloween-i-get-ghosted-all-year-round-candle","title":"I Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Cotton Candy + Sweet Vanilla\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy wait for October when your love life’s already a vanishing act? Ghosts? Check. Casually disappearing assholes? Check. Endless “let’s see where this goes” bullshit? Check. This candle is for anyone fed up with texting into the void and getting back… nothing. Zip. Nada. Ghosted like a pro.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith airy swirls of cotton candy, creamy sweet vanilla, and a hint of “disappearing without explanation,” it’s a treat without the trick. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while refreshing your texts for the tenth time… just to confirm they’re never replying.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Don't Need Halloween, I Get Ghosted All Year Round - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePairs beautifully with wine, sad love songs and blocking numbers like it’s an Olympic sport.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a sudden realisation that your ghosting streak is longer than some horror movie franchises. Side effects include deleting dating apps at 2 AM… and re-downloading them by 2:15.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54040042340699,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_24.png?v=1789248167"},{"product_id":"bitchcraft-the-art-of-pissing-people-off-by-telling-the-truth-candle","title":"Bitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eBitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Rich Blackcurrant \u0026amp; Dark Plum\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWhy cast spells when you can just tell the truth and watch everyone lose their fucking shit? This candle is for the witches who don’t whisper, they roast. Perfect for the ones who know honesty isn’t polite - it’s weaponised. Light it, speak your mind, while watching everyone else scramble for their comfort crystals.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWith sharp notes of blackcurrant, scorched plum, and a hint of “watch this bitchery\" it radiates chaotic energy with zero apologies. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for unleashing savage truths, hexing annoying humans, or just reminding everyone why fear of you is well-earned.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eBitchcraft... The Art Of Pissing People Off By Telling The Truth - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBest enjoyed while laughing maniacally at someone’s meltdown, sharpening your broomstick, and imagining your hat as a mic for dropping brutal truth bombs. Extra points if anyone cries - it's basically free entertainment\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a terrifyingly high level of unbothered energy, sudden excommunications from group chats, and a reputation for being “too much” (translation: you told the truth). Side effects may include power surges, evil laughs and being the witch they should’ve never fucked with.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":54059332075867,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_27.png?v=1789419386"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/FRUITY_6.png?v=1786883210","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/life.oembed","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}