{"title":"New Arrivals Candles","description":"\u003cp\u003eFreshly poured, newly released, and already causing a stir. Meet the newest members of the Astrollogy Candles chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"i-may-turn-unworthy-guys-to-stone-candle","title":"I May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Salted Pear + Vanilla Bean\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know that feeling when you meet someone and your soul just knows? Yeah, it knows you should avoid them like a bad batch of tequila. “I May Turn Unworthy Guys to Stone” is for when your inner Medusa is just waiting to be unleashed and the wrong guys might just get paralysed by their own stupidity. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith subtle notes of salted pear, vanilla bean, and a heavy dose of 'I'm out of your league' (because, duh), this candle radiates the kind of energy that makes anyone who doesn’t deserve you feel like they’ve been hit with a petrifying spell. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for moments when you want to send a clear message: “I’m not here to play, but I might leave permanent damage if you waste my time”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re getting ready for a night out and you can already feel the energy of “unworthy” guys in the air. This candle won’t actually turn them to stone (we wish), but it’ll definitely make you look like a goddess who can actually do it if you wanted to\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may lead to a sudden, unstoppable desire to give that one guy the “freeze” treatment when he hasn’t figured out how to do basic math (like, how to count your worth). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who doesn’t know what “emotional intelligence” is or thinks “accountability” is just a buzzword\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191366070619,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_May_Turn_Unworthy_Guys_To_Stone_Candle.png?v=1770821974"},{"product_id":"the-more-you-say-fuck-the-more-your-throat-chakra-clears-candle","title":"The More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Samphire + Watermint\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes, the key to clearing your throat chakra is saying exactly what you’re thinking—loudly. “The More You Say Fuck, The More Your Throat Chakra Clears” is here to help you express yourself without holding back. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a soothing blend of lavender, cooling hints of mint and a touch of citrus fruit notes, this candle is perfect for moments when you need to really let things out. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's made for those who believe that a well-placed “fuck” can be just as therapeutic as any meditation session\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re holding in your frustration, but can’t quite get the words out. This candle works wonders for helping you speak your mind—loudly and unapologetically\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may lead to a rapid increase in expletives, followed by a sudden sense of freedom. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from people who claim that cursing is “bad for the soul”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191380947291,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/The_More_You_Say_Fuck_The_More_Your_Throat_Chakra_Clears_Candle.png?v=1770821883"},{"product_id":"youve-activated-your-clown-chakra-candle","title":"You've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003eYou've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003eScent: Vanilla + Salted Caramel\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCongratulations, you've unlocked a whole new level of clownery. This candle is here to help you embrace the idiocy and absurdity that comes with fully activating your clown chakra.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith soft vanilla notes, a strong scent of salted caramel, and a hint of “I’m here for the comedy,” this candle is perfect for when you’re feeling extra ridiculous or just can’t keep a straight face anymore.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, the ideal companion for when you’re feeling like the punchline, but also the joke writer\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eYou've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this when you’re about to say something ridiculous, pull a prank, or just generally confuse everyone around you. Best paired with a rubber chicken, juggling balls, or something equally nonsensical.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBonus points for wearing a red nose or making balloon animals just to keep the vibe strong\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle may cause fits of laughter, spontaneous clownish behavior, and a sudden desire to wear over-sized shoes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep away from anyone with a stick up their arse or people who think being funny is \"too much\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191406834011,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/You_ve_Activated_Your_Clown_Chakra_Candle.png?v=1770821795"},{"product_id":"using-an-ouija-board-to-contact-my-sex-life-its-that-dead-candle","title":"Using An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUsing An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Salt + Cypress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s time to face the truth: your sex life is so dead, you’ve started consulting the spirit world. “Using an Ouija Board to Summon My Sex Life, It’s That Dead” is the candle for those who've realised their love life has entered the afterlife as their bedroom feels like a ghost town and the only thing getting moved is the dust. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith hauntingly good notes of water lily, cooling cypress (reminiscent of those cold bed sheets) and a hint of fantasy (because that's all that's left at this point) this candle will give you just enough ambiance to pretend things are heating up - even if it’s actually just the flicker of the wick. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when your sex life is less “hot” and more “resting in peace”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUsing An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you need to get in the mood… for Netflix, snacks, and maybe a nap. This candle won’t exactly bring your sex life back from the dead, but it will give you a better vibe for your solo sessions\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may trigger a spiritual awakening in which you realise your sex life is currently in the grave and probably needs a good resurrection spell (or just a change in your dating app profile). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who says, “You just need to put yourself out there”—because you’ve already tried and all that came back was ghosting\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191448547675,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Using_An_Ouija_Board_To_Contact_My_Sex_Life_It_s_That_Dead_Candle.png?v=1770821700"},{"product_id":"when-youre-trying-to-take-the-moral-high-road-but-people-are-testing-your-inner-cunt-candle","title":"When You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Red Ginger + Grapefruit\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt’s hard trying to stay spiritual in a world that keeps sending you people who desperately need a lesson in basic human decency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle is for when you’re on the verge of taking the moral high road but just one more rude comment might send you straight to the \"I will politely ruin your life\" zone (either that or secretly plotting how you’d roast someone alive in your head!).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith soft, notes of pink grapefruit, fiery ginger (just so they can feel the burn) and a hint of \"stay in your fucking lane\", this candle gives you all the peace you need... until someone says something stupid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for those who have mastered the art of appearing calm while internally shredding people\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this when someone’s really testing the boundaries of your calm and you just need a second to mentally burn them alive \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis candle may provoke an unholy amount of inner sass, followed by a very polite “I’ll pray for you” with a raised eyebrow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep away from chronic drama-stirrers, know-it-alls, and anyone who mistakes kindness for weakness\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191564087643,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/When_You_re_Trying_To_Take_The_Moral_High_Road_But_People_Are_Testing_Your_Inner_Cunt_Candle.png?v=1770821582"},{"product_id":"someone-trying-to-hurt-your-feelings-but-youre-dead-inside-candle","title":"Someone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSomeone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Earl Grey Tea + Cucumber\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, you thought that was going to bother me? That’s cute. But my soul’s been through enough therapy and bullshit to be completely unaffected. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Someone Trying to Hurt Your Feelings But You’re Dead Inside” is the candle for when the world is throwing shade, but you’ve already evaporated into a cloud of pure apathy. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bold notes of bergamot, cooling cucumber, and a dash of “completely unbothered,” this candle sets the tone for when you’ve been through so much emotional drama, nothing hits you anymore. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when your emotional responses are as cold as your ex's heart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSomeone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re casually observing someone trying to “trigger” you, while you silently ask yourself, “Is that all you’ve got?” This candle will make you feel like you’re way too mature for their nonsense\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause you to start silently laughing at people who think they can \"get to you\" and develop a new level of emotional detachment. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who insists on \"having deep conversations\" about your feelings, because, there are none left to discuss dear\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191577325915,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Someone_Trying_To_Hurt_Your_Feelings_But_You_re_Dead_Inside_Candle.png?v=1770821416"},{"product_id":"youve-mistaken-me-for-someone-with-a-blocked-throat-chakra-candle","title":"You've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Minerals + Mimosa\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, you thought I wouldn’t speak my mind? That’s cute. This is the ultimate candle for anyone who refuses to hold back - whether it’s a scathing truth bomb, a witty comeback, or a perfectly timed “nope.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bold notes of feisty ginger lily, zesty orange and just a hint of unfiltered sass, this candle will set the tone for unapologetically owning your voice. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when someone needs to be reminded that you say what you mean and mean what you say\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it whenever you’re about to have that conversation. Whether it’s calling someone out or delivering the spicy truth they weren’t ready for, this candle will give you the extra confidence to clear the air and leave no words unsaid\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause brutal honesty, a sudden inability to sugarcoat, and an aura so bold it may scare off weak personalities. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from people who “aren’t ready for the truth” or still believe in passive-aggressiveness as a communication style\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191590531419,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/You_ve_Mistaken_Me_For_Someone_With_A_Blocked_Throat_Chakra_Candle.png?v=1770821173"},{"product_id":"im-in-need-of-some-grounding-a-cabin-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-away-from-humanity-candle","title":"I'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026 A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026amp; A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Forest Fern + English Oak\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen life has you Googling “remote cabins with no Wi-Fi” and fantasising about becoming a woodland hermit, this candle gets it. “I’m in the Need of Some Grounding and a Cabin in the Middle of Nowhere Away from Humanity” captures the vibe of disconnecting from the mayhem and reuniting with your soul... or at least escaping Karen from accounting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith grounding notes of fresh fern, earthy cedarwood and just a hint of “leave me the hell alone,” this candle creates the peaceful atmosphere of an off-the-grid getaway - without the bugs or bad cell service.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when you need a break from pretending to like people or can't deal with them anymore.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026amp; A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight it when your phone is blowing up with group texts, emails, and drama you didn’t sign up for. Pair with an imaginary escape plan and the soothing sound of fake forest noises on Spotify.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle may cause you to pack a bag and disappear into the woods. Keep away from anyone who uses the phrase “we should hang out more” when you’re clearly trying to not hang out with anyone at all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMay attract isolation for a few weeks. But will leave you in a state of much needed bliss\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191600886107,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_m_In_Need_Of_Some_Grounding_A_Cabin_In_The_Middle_Of_Nowhere_Away_From_Humanity_Candle.png?v=1770820555"},{"product_id":"i-can-already-hear-monday-morning-whispering-go-fuck-yourself-into-my-ear-candle","title":"I Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering \"Go Fuck Yourself\" Into My Ear Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering 'Go Fuck Yourself' Into My Ear\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Sun-Kissed Peach + Orchard\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs Sunday evening approaches, the looming dread of Monday morning kicks in reminding you that the freedom of the weekend was only temporary. The long, miserable parade of meetings, emails and pretending to give a shit stretches out in front of you like a highway to hell—five whole days before the sweet, beautiful relief of the next weekend finally shows its face again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle is your final act of rebellion before the corporate shitshow resumes. With juicy notes of ripe peach, sun-soaked orchard fruit and a hint of ‘utter loathing for Monday fucking mornings’, it smells like carefree summer days—aka the complete opposite of opening your inbox at 9:01am. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it burns longer than your patience for Monday morning bullshit and your will to live, which at this rate, will clock out before you do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering 'Go Fuck Yourself' Into My Ear - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this candle Sunday night while presetting your twenty alarms for Monday morning just to help motivate you to get out of bed ahead of the dreaded working week. It burns calmly while you spiral wondering about what fresh hell the upcoming week will bring and mentally calculating how many coffees it’s going to take just to survive it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMay cause aggressive snoozing, spontaneous swearing at alarm clocks, and a deep desire to disappear into thin air before 9am. Side effects include muttering “only four more days…” every afternoon and counting down to Friday like a prisoner marking lines on a wall. Use caution around productivity gurus and anyone who says “I love Mondays!” with a straight face.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52536981127515,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/rn-image_picker_lib_temp_01b3ae79-9b3d-468b-b09c-a3078ea4130f.png?v=1772981947"},{"product_id":"i-dont-make-milkshakes-cos-i-dont-want-any-boys-in-my-f-cking-yard-candle","title":"I Don't Make Milkshakes Cos' I Don't Want Any Boys In My Fucking Yard Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Don't Make Milkshakes Cos' I Don't Want Any Boys In My Fucking Yard\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Strawberry Milkshake + Cream\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLa-la, la-la, laaaa... no boys are waiting... \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the hard wrapped 'NO' in whipped cream. There will be no milkshake, no conversation, no “just seeing where things go.” This candle is for anyone who’s realised that men are optional, peace is priceless, and silence is sexy. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith notes of sweet strawberries, whipped cream, and a hint of “absolutely fucking not,” it smells delicious, confident, and completely unavailable. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while living your best life, ignoring messages, and enjoying the sweet sound of no one expecting you to lower your standards. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Don't Make Milkshakes Cos' I Don't Want Any Boys In My Fucking Yard - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBurn while sipping something pink, watching men embarrass themselves in your DMs and blocking them when they say “I’m not like other guys”. It's the ultimate reminder to yourself that when your standards haven't been high — they’re definitely not in hell. You don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or milkshake. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMay cause zero tolerance for mediocrity, instant icks, and the confidence to say “no” without a smile. Side effects include radical self-respect, hardcore boundaries, emotional freedom and a yard so empty it echoes. Use with pride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52537383190875,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/rn-image_picker_lib_temp_5ac0a55a-f75a-42b4-8d0a-d2012c7fe89b.png?v=1772986681"},{"product_id":"men-are-like-a-box-of-assorted-chocolates-half-of-then-are-a-weird-flavour-nobody-asked-for-candle","title":"Men Are Like A Box Of Assorted Chocolates... Half Of Them Are A Weird Flavour Nobody Asked For Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMen Are Like A Box Of Assorted Chocolates... Half Of Them  Are A Weird Flavour Nobody Asked For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Rich Velvet Chocolate + Fudge\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTo open the box with hope. Optimism. Maybe even 100% delusion. You go in thinking “oooh, luxury.” Five minutes later you’re chewing something suspiciously banana-centred, questioning your life choices and wondering why you didn’t just buy the safe option to begin with. This candle is for the brave souls still sampling their selection of men, knowing full well at least half of them taste like regret. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith rich notes of velvet chocolate, decadent fudge, and a hint of “unexpected filling you definitely didn’t consent to,” it smells indulgent, comforting, and far more satisfying than your last situationship. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting when you realise they were never the premium selection and always the clearance aisle assortment - cheap, discounted and days away from being expired. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMen Are Like A Box Of Assorted Chocolates... Half Of Them Are A Weird Flavour Nobody Asked For - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf he starts describing himself as “complex,” assume he’s the coffee cream nobody wanted. Light this, grab actual chocolate, and raise your standards. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMay cause sudden clarity, dramatic eye-rolls, and the uncontrollable urge to say “next” like you’re judging a low-budget dating show. Side effects include higher expectations, lower tolerance, and refusing to nibble on any \"mystery fillings\" filled with absolute audacity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52537401540955,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/rn-image_picker_lib_temp_4cb6cf19-7f76-4921-a681-bd9ab5f14bfc.png?v=1772986661"},{"product_id":"youre-not-a-regular-cunt-youre-the-deluxe-edition-candle","title":"You're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eYou're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Spring Freesia + Amberwood\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eNot everyone has what it takes to be this spectacularly irritating. Most people dabble in the occasional moment of cuntish behaviour. But you? You've committed to the lifestyle. Full-time. No days off. You have the confidence, the audacity, and the remarkable ability to say something wildly unnecessary in every single situation. It’s not just annoying—it’s practically a skill. With elegant notes of spring freesia, warm amberwood, and a hint of “top-tier fucking audacity,” it’s fresh, smooth, and far classier than the behaviour it’s clearly inspired by. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while appreciating the rare talent it takes to be this confidently unbearable.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eYou're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eGift this to someone who truly deserves recognition for their world-class level of cuntery. If they laugh, they’ve got self-awareness. If they get offended… well, the candle clearly did its job.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot responsible for bruised egos, shattered illusions or the sudden urge to start ranking people by cunt tier. Side effects include ruthless boundary setting and the comforting knowledge that while many people are annoying… only a select few achieve deluxe cunt status.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52554680762715,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Untitleddesign-2026-03-10T215909.293.png?v=1773179999"},{"product_id":"may-his-teeth-fall-out-when-he-smiles-at-other-bitches","title":"May His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Nectarine Blossom + Strawberry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eI'm not saying be jealous... I'm just saying \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eif he’s out there flashing that smile at women he has absolutely no business smiling at, then a small, deeply satisfying part of you still hopes the universe restores order in the pettiest form -\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e hoping karma clocks in for overtime. May his flirting flop, his chat dry up, and may that smug little smile lose a few fucking teeth along the way. If he's going to act like he's God's gift to women, he can do it while sipping soup through a straw.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy nectarine blossom, sweet strawberry, and a hint of \"fuck around and find out\" this candle is equal parts sweet, petty, and delightfully vindictive. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for embracing your inner menace without having to lift a perfectly manicured finger yet \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ealso fully capable of wishing minor dental disasters upon disloyal men.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever he starts acting like loyalty is a suggestion instead of the bare fucking minimum. Then sit back and let the universe handle the rest.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in uncontrollable pettiness, suspiciously timed dental emergencies, and the overwhelming belief that the universe has an exceptional sense of humour when it comes to karma and comedic timing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777355309403,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_11.png?v=1786655419"},{"product_id":"when-life-gives-you-lemons-squeeze-them-in-peoples-eyes-candle","title":"When Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Sparkling Sicilian Lemonade\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eLife is always banging on about \"making lemonade\" but fuck that. Some people deserve a refreshing beverage. Other people deserve a face full of citrus. They say revenge is toxic but in reality vitamin C is an essential nutrient. If life insists on handing you lemons, don't waste them making drinks for people who make your life miserable. Aim higher... preferably towards the source of your fucking irritation.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with sparkling Sicilian lemonade and a hint of \"citric acid with attitude,\" this candle is fresh, zingy, and as subtle as a brick through a window. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for anyone whose last shred of patience expired three minor inconveniences ago.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe best revenge is living well... but imagining this is a very close second.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause excessive cackling, dangerously low tolerance for dickheads and an irrational urge to carry lemons everywhere \"just in case.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777383031131,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_12.png?v=1786656259"},{"product_id":"i-give-my-job-the-same-energy-it-gives-me-absolutely-fucking-none-candle","title":"I Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Black Pomegranate + Plum\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eSome people wake up excited for work. You wake up wondering how a single job managed to suck this much life out of a human being. Every day is the same soul-draining cycle of endless emails, pointless meetings and pretending you give even half a shit about the company's “vision”. You don’t hate working… you just hate this job, these emails, these meetings and your boss asking if you’ve got “five minutes” like they aren't about to steal the last remaining fragment of your will to live.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith dark, juicy notes of black pomegranate, rich ripe plum and a hint of “I’m not paid enough for this shit,” it’s bold, indulgent and far more satisfying than doing the absolute bare minimum required to remain technically employed, while protecting your last surviving brain cell from the shit show circus. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while you stare at your screen, wondering how one inbox can contain so much bullshit.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Give My Job The Same Energy It Gives Me... Absolutely Fucking None - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this before your next meeting and practice the ancient corporate survival skills: nodding occasionally, saying “good point” and contributing absolutely nothing of value -just like the meeting itself. Stretch that lunch break, mute that meeting and preserve what little soul this place hasn’t already devoured.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause extreme disinterest in “team-building,” excessive clock-watching and the sudden urge to close your laptop the second it hits 5pm. Side effects include protecting your last remaining shred of soul, advanced levels of workplace detachment and giving the job exactly the same energy it gives you - absolutely fucking none.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777420222811,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Astrollogy5.png?v=1786656820"},{"product_id":"deja-poo-the-felling-ive-heard-this-shit-before-candle","title":"Deja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Summer Watermelon + Fruits\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know the moment where someone starts talking and suddenly you’re hit with the strange but familiar sensation… like you’ve heard this exact same load of absolute shit before. The dramatic storytelling that somehow keeps repeating itself like a badly written sequel nobody asked for. This candle is for those moments when you realise it’s not déjà vu - it’s the unsettling realisation that you’re once again being served the same recycled crap, assaulting your ears like it’s brand new information. Spoiler: it fucking isn’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith juicy notes of fresh watermelon, sweet fruit and a hint of “this sounds like, last week's bullshit,” it’s bright, fruity, and far more refreshing than the verbal diarrhoea currently being misrepresented as conversation. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while you nod politely and internally scream “I’ve heard this shit before.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this the second someone says “hear me out…” because you already know you’ve heard it, you’ve processed it and it was still crap the first time around.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause the sudden urge to say “funny, that’s not what you said last time.” With side effects including zero patience for repeat offenders, elite-level bullshit detection and a deep appreciation for silence over listening to the same tiring fucking nonsense on repeat.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777471308123,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_13.png?v=1786657708"},{"product_id":"may-your-final-stage-of-healing-be-telling-everyone-to-go-fuck-themselves-candle","title":"May Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Himalayan Mango + Papaya\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eApparently healing means forgiveness, acceptance and becoming so spiritually evolved that nothing bothers you anymore. Most often though, healing is actually looking at the person who fucked with your peace, took the piss out of your kindness and finally having the emotional clarity to say, “Go fuck yourself.” Simple closure with a very satisfying amount of profanity.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy Himalayan mango, luscious papaya and a hint of “I've finally stopped giving a fuck,” this candle is tropical sweetness with a savage fucking attitude. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for celebrating the moment you stop trying to understand why someone treated you like shit and start understanding that their behaviour is their fucking problem.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever you're somewhere between forgiving the unforgivable and being everyone’s emotional punch bag, because enlightenment hit you like a brick but the real glow-up is realising half the people around you are the problem. Simply admire your newfound emotional maturity from a safe fucking distance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause you to relax in the quiet satisfaction of finally choosing your peace over other people’s drivel and the sudden ability to remove them from your life without writing a fucking dissertation explaining why.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798305792347,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_14.png?v=1786883649"},{"product_id":"cuntstipation-an-emotional-blockage-from-dealing-with-too-many-cunts-candle","title":"Cuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eCuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Honey Amberwood + Nectar\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere comes a point when you've dealt with so many fucking idiots, narcissists, drama queens, energy vampires and general-grade cunts that your emotions simply stop moving. You're not heartless, you've just become emotionally constipated from swallowing everyone's bullshit for far too fucking long. Your empathy is backed up, your patience has gone missing and frankly, your last remaining fuck has blocked the fucking toilet.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with warm honey, rich amberwood and a hint of “I'm emotionally too full of your shit,” this candle is the sweet-smelling equivalent of finally giving your sanity a fucking enema - the aromatherapy laxative for your soul. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for unclenching your jaw, releasing pent-up rage and remembering that other people's problems aren't automatically your fucking bowel movement to deal with.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when someone says “Can I just vent?” and every cell in your body screams “ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.” Put the phone down. Protect your peace. Let someone else deal with their shit for once.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eMay cause emotional evacuation, the knowing that your problem isn't a lack of empathy - it's an excess of fucking people and the sudden realisation that you've actually been carrying around more cunts than a fucking toilet roll holder.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798389154139,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_15.png?v=1786885017"},{"product_id":"front-row-tickets-to-the-abysmal-shitshow-thats-life","title":"Front Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life","description":"\u003ch2\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Buttered Toffee Popcorn\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan class=\"markestkuypjz uM2yb\"\u003eCongratulations\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e! You've been upgraded to front row for the longest-running fucking disaster known to humanity: your own life. Tonight's performance includes questionable decisions, unexpected bills, emotional damage, people behaving like absolute cunts, and at least one plot twist nobody fucking asked for. The best part? You're both the audience and the fucking cast.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with buttery toffee, freshly popped popcorn and a hint of “well, this is going to be fucking interesting,” this candle is the perfect popcorn-filled soundtrack to life's ongoing catastrophe and infinitely more enjoyable than whatever fresh bullshit life has decided to throw at you today. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for sitting back, lighting the fuse and watching the shit show unfold from the best seat in the house.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen life starts falling apart, don't panic. Grab the popcorn, light this candle and remember: at least you're getting a fucking front-row view.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause inappropriate laughter during personal crises, dangerously high levels of sarcasm and the sudden realisation that your life has enough plot twists to qualify for it's own series on Netflix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800216527195,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_16.png?v=1786911589"},{"product_id":"when-i-say-have-a-nice-day-remember-that-the-fucker-is-silent-candle","title":"When I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Coco Caramel + Macadamia\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e“Have a nice day” - The socially acceptable way of saying “I sincerely hope you fuck off motherfucker.” Because apparently telling someone exactly what you think is “rude”, so we smile sweetly, maintain eye contact and hide an entire fucking expletive behind six innocent little words. It’s basically emotional camouflage for people who have exhausted every ounce of their patience.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with creamy coco caramel, indulgent macadamia, and a hint of “go fuck yourself, but make it polite,” this candle is sweet enough to disguise the sheer amount of contempt in the room. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those moments when murder is frowned upon but passive aggression is still technically legal.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen someone has pissed you off beyond comprehension, smile sweetly and say, “Have a nice day.” Then walk away knowing the fucker is silent, but the message is crystal fucking clear.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause weaponised politeness and an uncontrollable urge to say “have a nice day” to people who absolutely fucking deserve a different greeting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800229536091,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/When_I_Say_Have_A_Nice_Day_Remember_That_The_Fucker_Is_Silent_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786915539"},{"product_id":"people-are-arseholes-just-make-sure-youre-not-the-toilet-paper-candle","title":"People Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Ylang Ylang Bloom + Green Stem\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLet’s face it, people can be absolute fucking arseholes. They’ll dump their problems on you, wipe their emotional shit all over your boundaries all while expecting you to clean up after them like you're the human equivalent of fucking bog roll. But you don't have to be the toilet paper. You can have boundaries, standards and the glorious ability to say, “that's your shit - wipe your own fucking arse.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with delicate ylang ylang bloom, fresh green stems and a hint of “I'm not cleaning up your bullshit,” this candle is floral, fresh and considerably more pleasant than most people. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for protecting your peace, strengthening your boundaries, and reminding everyone else to deal with their own fucking mess.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this whenever someone starts dumping their emotional diarrhoea at your feet. Remember: you're a person, not fucking Andrex. Let them take their shit elsewhere.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause savage boundary-setting, reduced tolerance for emotional diarrhea and the sudden realisation that some people need a therapist, a bin and a roll of toilet paper but none of those things need to be you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800259879259,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/People_Are_Arseholes_Just_Make_Sure_You_re_Not_The_Toilet_Paper_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786916208"},{"product_id":"some-shitty-people-are-like-clouds-when-they-disappear-its-a-beautiful-day-candle","title":"Some Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Clean Cotton + Lily Florals\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome people really do have a remarkable talent for sucking the sunshine out of every fucking room they enter. Then they finally disappear and suddenly... birds are singing, your blood pressure drops, and life feels suspiciously fucking lovely. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Sometimes the best weather forecast is simply “that prick has left.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with fresh clean cotton, delicate lily florals, and a hint of “finally, some fucking peace and quiet,” this candle smells like opening every window after a toxic bastard has left the building. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for cleansing your space of bad vibes, unnecessary drama, and people who somehow turn every conversation into a fucking hostage situation.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when someone you can't stand leaves the room. Take a deep breath, enjoy the silence, and appreciate how fucking beautiful life becomes when the human cloud has fucked off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause sudden happiness, improved mood, spontaneous dancing, and the shocking discovery that you actually quite like life when certain people aren't ruining it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53805969113435,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_17.png?v=1787000230"},{"product_id":"i-spiritually-align-with-the-praying-mantis-cos-i-dont-chase-men-i-lure-them-in-then-emotionally-devour-them-candle","title":"I Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Pink Yuzu Sorbet + Jasmine\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eWho knew the praying mantis was basically the original femme fatale: beautiful, mysterious, perfectly composed and absolutely fucking lethal. No three-month talking stage. Just seduce, devour, devastate. She's the patron saint of women who've realised chasing men is exhausting when you can simply sit pretty and let them wander into your perfectly scented emotional death trap. Why pursue when you can lure, charm, emotionally dismantle and move on.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with zesty pink yuzu sorbet, intoxicating jasmine, and a hint of “Off with his head” this candle is sweet, seductive and absolutely fucking unhinged. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for channeling your inner femme fatale while attracting the attention and letting men confidently walk themselves into their own emotional downfall.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Spiritually Align With The Praying Mantis Cos' I Don't Chase Men, I Lure Them In Then Emotionally Devour Them - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDon't chase him. Don't convince him. Don't explain yourself. Let the little fucker walk directly into the trap because the mantis doesn't ghost - she consumes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause dangerously high levels of femme fatal energy, seductive eye contact, reduced sympathy for fuckboys and an increased tendency to view emotionally unavailable men as walking fucking appetisers.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845128184155,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_18.png?v=1787259881"},{"product_id":"fuck-the-patriarchy-because-women-dont-owe-you-a-single-fuck-candle","title":"Fuck The Patriarchy Because Women Don't Owe You A Single Fuck Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eFuck The Patriarchy Because Women Don't Owe You A Single Fuck\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Gardenia Bloom + Sugar Blush\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome men still walk through life acting like women exist for their convenience as though attention is owed, boundaries are non existent and “no” is just part of a negotiation stage. This one's for every woman who is done being treated like she exists merely for anyone’s access, validation or ego boost.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with soft gardenia, sugar blush and a hint of “women don't owe you shit”, this candle smells like feminine rage wrapped in silk and sharpened boundaries. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for reclaiming your space, your peace, and your right to exist without explanation or permission.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFuck The Patriarchy Because Women Don't Owe You A Single Fuck - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when a man says “I’m a nice guy” and expects that to override every red flag he’s actively waving or when he acts shocked that “no” is a complete sentence and doesn’t come with a debate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause savage clarity, stronger boundaries and the complete loss of interest in explaining yourself to men committed to misunderstanding you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845160100187,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_19.png?v=1787260486"},{"product_id":"10-000-light-years-isnt-enough-space-from-some-people-candle","title":"10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Raspberry + Lemon Tonic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAstronauts train for years to experience the kind of peace you've been trying to obtain just by avoiding that one person. This candle is for the soul that needs serious distance - from the energy vampires, the drama magnets and the loud chewers of the world. Some people don't need a little personal space, just a one-way ticket to the Great Void. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a blend of cosmic raspberry, fizzy lemon tonic and just a hint of “Houston, we have a huge fucking problem” this scent is pure intergalactic solitude in a jar and delightfully out of this world. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for creating your own little universe where drama, bullshit and irritating humans only exist beyond the milky way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this to cleanse your orbit of unwanted energy, unwanted fucking humans and for when you feel like launching yourself into space or someone else into the sun. As long as it's far above the fucking stratosphere, either works\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSide effects may include stellar fantasies of people vanishing into blackholes, fewer idiots in your orbit and a strong desire to live in another dimension... ALONE\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845658075483,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_2.png?v=1787261230"},{"product_id":"a-blue-whales-bumhole-can-stretch-to-3-a-half-feet-making-it-the-second-largest-arsehole-on-the-planet-after-your-ex-candle","title":"A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026 A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Marine Horizon + Salt Water\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNature is fascinating. Majestic oceans, beautiful marine life and the comforting reminder that no matter how vast the sea is, somehow your ex still manages to be the biggest arsehole in existence. Not just a bit of an arse. Not even a large arse. Only record-breaking, history-making, absolutely unmatched level of arseholery. The kind that deserves its own Attenborough documentary attached with a warning label. To think evolution had peaked until it produced that. This candle is your salty, sea-breezy tribute to moving on, levelling up, and laughing at the fact that this kind of arseholery could be seen from space, studied by experts and still leave them asking how the fuck this happened!?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with fresh marine florals, crisp salt water and a hint of “should’ve blocked you sooner,” this candle is your reminder that you escaped something truly spectacularly awful and delivers wave after wave of clarity with a strong undercurrent of knowing you'll never allow that to happen again. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for reminding yourself you deserve oceans better than any swimming red flag, but notably this one.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this every time your brain tries to rewrite history and make them seem less awful than they were. Inhale deeply and let the truth hit you like a tsunami wave. Trust the scent because your past self deserved better. Some things belong, to rot, in the deep blue sea, far away from you.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause aggressive closure and the sudden realisation that your ex wasn’t just an arsehole, they were the benchmark for all future disappointments. Thank your past self for finally binning the waste of oxygen so that you can now pretend they were a mere glitch in the matrix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845940011355,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_20.png?v=1787262871"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/Untitled_design_22.png?v=1768048181","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/new-arrivals-candles.oembed?page=2","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}