{"title":"Popular Candles","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe crowd favourites. The Astrollogy Candles everyone keeps coming back for. Tried, tested, and repeatedly added to carts because apparently you all have excellent taste.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"dickheads-should-stop-testing-my-fucking-zen-candle","title":"Dickheads Should Stop Testing My Fucking Zen Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDickheads Should Stop Testing My Fucking Zen Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Cool Mint + Armoise Tea\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou’ve worked hard to cultivate your inner peace, and just when you think you’ve got it together, some dickhead decides to test the limits. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle is for when you need to protect your zen from the endless parade of dickheads trying to fuck with your energy and will calm your nerves without making you feel like you have to become a monk. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith notes of cooling mint, armoise tea and a pinch of \"I'll break my zen, just to break you\", this candle helps you stay cool, even when someone’s one snarky comment away from seeing the fiery side of your soul. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for those \"I’m too calm for this shit\" moments\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eDickheads Should Stop Testing My Fucking Zen Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it during your “I’m trying to chill, but I’m not a saint” moments. Perfect for when you need to clear your head but still feel like you’ve earned the right to complain\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may trigger visions of your inner peace surrounded by a flood of idiots who refuse to leave you alone. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who insists on being a walking nightmare or anyone who doesn’t know how to keep their stupid opinions to themselves\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47379213287771,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Dickheads_Should_Stop_Testing_My_Fucking_Zen_Candle.png?v=1770825346"},{"product_id":"i-meditate-burn-candles-drink-green-tea-still-want-to-smack-some-people-candle","title":"I Meditate, Burn Candles, Drink Green Tea \u0026 Still Want To Smack Some People Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI Meditate, Burn Candles, Drink Green Tea \u0026amp; Still Want To Smack Some People Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Green Tea + Bergamot\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeditation? You do it. Burning candles to set the vibe? Absolutely. Green tea to keep you healthy and balanced? You’ve got a cupboard full. But despite all of that, some people still exist.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“I Meditate, Burn Candles, Drink Green Tea and Still Want to Smack Some People” is for when your soul is telling you to chill, but the universe keeps sending you people who just irritate the shit out of you. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith uplifting notes of green tea, refreshing bergamot and silent judgement, this candle helps you keep your cool just enough to remind you that enlightenment does not include telling Karen from HR exactly how you feel. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when you need to look like you’re spiritually unbothered, but inside you’re writing a strongly-worded email to the universe\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI Meditate, Burn Candles, Drink Green Tea \u0026amp; Still Want To Smack Some People Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re doing your best to maintain your inner peace, but that one person won't shut up when you’re just trying to have a quiet moment\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle won’t make them go away, but at least you can breathe deeply before you start plotting your escape\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47381172355419,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_Meditate_Burn_Candles_Drink_Green_Tea_Still_Want_To_Smack_Some_People_Candle.png?v=1770825165"},{"product_id":"meditation-because-punching-people-in-the-face-isnt-allowed","title":"Meditation, Because Punching People In The Face Isn't Allowed Candle","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeditation, Because Punching People In The Face Isn't Allowed Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Dry Florals + Chamomile Tea\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou’ve tried breathing deeply, but it’s hard when you’re surrounded by idiots that keep testing you. This candle is your go-to when you’re so close to turning into an emotional MMA fighter, but society keeps telling you that violence is not the answer (even though it definitely feels like it sometimes). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith soothing chamomile, dry florals, and a subtle hint of “don't fucking test me” this candle helps you keep your zen while everyone around you is testing your patience like it’s a competition. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's your spiritual lifeline for when you need to meditate, but would also like to slap someone\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003eMeditation, Because Punching People In The Face Isn't Allowed Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when you’re about five seconds away from throat-punching someone and focus on your breath. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eT\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ehink deep breaths not deep punches- even if you’re imagining punching a punching bag instead of a person. Works wonders\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause you to think, “Why do people exist like this?” while quietly visualising your peaceful escape to a place where everyone isn't. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who thinks \"a little confrontation never hurt anyone\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47381336719707,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Meditation_Because_Punching_People_In_The_Face_Isn_t_Allowed_Candle.png?v=1770824919"},{"product_id":"my-spirit-animal-would-fucking-eat-yours-candle","title":"My Spirit Animal Would Fucking Eat Yours Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMy Spirit Animal Would Fucking Eat Yours Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Coastal Cypress + Sea Fennel\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSurvival of the fittest, darling - and let's be real, your spirit animal is at the top of the damn food chain and doesn’t play nice. In fact, while others prance around around with their delicate little energy, yours is out here prowling and probably plotting how to devour anyone who dares to challenge its power. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“My Spirit Animal Would Fucking Eat Yours” is for those who know their inner beast is untameable and ready to dominate. With a bold mix of salted cypress, violet leaf, and a deep undertone of don't fuck with me, this candle will ignite your wild side and make sure the world knows you’re not to be messed with. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for anyone who embraces their untamed dominant side and refuses to apologise for it, but also a great reminder to everyone that in the grand spiritual hierarchy, you're the apex predator\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMy Spirit Animal Would Fucking Eat Yours Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when surrounded by weak energy and ready to channel your inner warrior to make it known that you’re not here for anyone’s nonsense. It'll help you stay grounded while resisting the urge to feast on their incompetence. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s great for moments when you need to own your power, even if you have to remind a few people along the way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause you to walk taller, speak bolder, and possibly threaten the next person who challenges your energy. Keep away from those who think their spirit animal is a cute little bunny or fragile egos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47458548777307,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/My_Spirit_Animal_Would_Fucking_Eat_Yours_Candle.png?v=1770824807"},{"product_id":"no-bullshit-will-penetrate-my-aura-today-candle","title":"No Bullshit Will Penetrate My Aura Today Candle","description":"\u003cdiv style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003eNo Bullshit Will Penetrate My Aura Today Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: White Jasmine + Grapefruit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour aura is a fortress, and no one—and I mean no one—is getting past it. This candle is here for when you’ve had enough of people’s energy draining crap and are ready to send out the biggest “no entry” sign to all the bullshitters. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a blend of sharp grapefruit, sweet jasmine, and just a hint of \"try me and see what happens\" this candle helps create an impenetrable force field around your space. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's the perfect way to establish a solid boundary that no one can cross, no matter how hard they try\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003eNo Bullshit Will Penetrate My Aura Today Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when you’re gearing up for a day of meetings, social gatherings, or dealing with anyone who’s prone to spewing bullshit. It’ll keep your energy in check and your aura untouchable\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may result in an unshakable urge to call people out on their crap. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who thinks they can make their toxic energy your problem, people who don’t respect your boundaries or anyone who tries to bring their negative vibes into your space\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47458842902875,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/No_Bullshit_Will_Penetrate_My_Aura_Today_Candle.png?v=1770824672"},{"product_id":"peace-light-love-a-little-go-fuck-yourself-candle","title":"Peace, Light, Love \u0026 A Little Go Fuck Yourself Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePeace, Light, Love \u0026amp; A Little Go Fuck Yourself Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Aqua Minerals + Sea Kelp\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes you radiate light and good vibes. Other times, you radiate light, good vibes, whilst subtlety having to remind certain people to kindly go fuck themselves. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle is for those moments when you’re balanced, centered, and just spicy enough to set boundaries with flair. With calming notes of aqua minerals, sea kelp, and a bold outburst of “my middle finger salutes you.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, made for those who sprinkle their daily routine with just a pinch of attitude\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003ePeace, Light, Love \u0026amp; A Little Go Fuck Yourself Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRadiating peace and light doesn’t mean you’re taking anyone’s crap. Light this candle as a gentle reminder that you can exude love and still tell someone to shove their bad energy elsewhere\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may lead to bursts of sarcasm, moments of bold self-reflection, and a sudden desire to tell everyone exactly where they can go. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from toxic positivity peddlers, passive-aggressive relatives and anyone who starts their sentences with “You should really…”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47458861875547,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Peace_Light_Love_A_Little_Go_Fuck_Yourself_Candle.png?v=1770824550"},{"product_id":"trying-to-summon-a-fuck-to-give-candle","title":"Trying To Summon A Fuck To Give Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTrying To Summon A Fuck To Give Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: White Pine + Cedarwood\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLike a noble quest to locate your last flying fuck that disappeared into the sunset weeks ago, only to leave behind a faint breeze of “not my fucking problem.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Trying to Summon a Fuck to Give” is for the days when life demands you care, but your give-a-shit tank has been on E since Monday. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith earthy notes of white pine, cedarwood, and a hint of spoiler alert: “I still don’t give a shit,” this candle perfectly captures the smell of your unapologetic lack of concern or when your nerve is on it's last legs. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIdeal for moments when you’re staring at the ceiling, wondering if it’s worth the effort to pretend you’re invested\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eTrying To Summon A Fuck To Give Candle - P\u003cspan\u003ero Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this candle when your 'give a fuck' is broken but your 'go fuck yourself' is still functional. Use for the times when people expect you to care, but you’re too busy basking in your glorious indifference\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWill keep your last \"fucks\" on backorder with no ETA. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a permanent resting bitch face while you navigate through the endless continuation of dickheads that the universe keeps throwing in your path\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47460633641307,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Untitled_design_100Trying_To_Summon_A_Fuck_To_Give_Candle.png?v=1770823285"},{"product_id":"theres-not-enough-sage-in-the-world-for-this-shit-candle","title":"There's Not Enough Sage In The World For This Shit Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere's Not Enough Sage In The World For This Shit Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Wood Sage + Sea Salt\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know it’s bad when even your best sage bundle is giving up on you. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, this candle is for those moments when your day\/week\/month\/year has reached peak bullshittery and even has your crystals rolling their eyes. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith notes of rich earthy wood sage, sea salt, and a hint of “seriously?!” this candle is your new best friend whilst navigating through the next-level nonsense that the universe keeps throwing at you and here to remind you that not everything needs your energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere's Not Enough Sage In The World For This Shit Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this during moments when you're trying to maintain composure, but the universe keeps sending you people with questionable energy or just to create an aura of “I’m unavailable for nonsense today.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWorks wonders when you're about to explode, but trying to keep your cool\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause a desperate need to lock yourself away for several days until the bullshit takes itself out. Keep away from anyone who thinks sage is “overrated” or people who create the mess you’re trying to cleanse. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSage not guaranteed to work on annoying coworkers or exes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47490172027227,"sku":"","price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/There_s_Not_Enough_Sage_In_The_World_For_This_Shit_Candle.png?v=1770822983"},{"product_id":"dickheads-should-stop-testing-my-fucking-zen-candle-copy","title":"I Want To Be There When Karma Dry Fucks Your Arse With A Cactus Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI Want To Be There When Karma Dry Fucks Your Arse With A Cactus Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Saguaro Cactus + Sea Salt\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes you don’t need revenge - you just need front-row seats to watch karma handle things in ways you never could. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle burns with the fiery satisfaction of knowing that the universe always settles its accounts. It's the perfect blend of zen vibes and unapologetic schadenfreude, with bold notes of cucumber, sea salt, and a hint of petty revenge. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's crafted for those who know that sometimes karma doesn’t need your help -it just needs an audience\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI Want To Be There When Karma Dry Fucks Your Arse With A Cactus Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this candle while practicing patience. Karma takes time, but when it arrives, it’s worth every second of the wait. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBonus: it pairs well with a smug smile whilst watching the universe serve up a hot plate of consequences. Add popcorn for full effect\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause uncontrollable laughter and excessive satisfaction when karma finally delivers.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from fragile egos, gaslighters, and anyone who says, “What goes around doesn’t come around” or thinks they’re above universal laws\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191260328283,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_Want_To_Be_There_When_Karma_Dry_Fucks_Your_Arse_With_A_Cactus_Candle.png?v=1770822223"},{"product_id":"hiking-mountains-to-burn-off-this-years-bullshit-candle","title":"Hiking Mountains To Burn Off This Year's Bullshit Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eHiking Mountains To Burn Off This Year's Bullshit Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Siberian Pine + Nordmann Fir\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThat’s it, you're done. “Hiking Mountains To Burn Off This Year’s Bullshit” is for when you’ve officially reached your limit and the only solution is to leave. Leave everything behind. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe drama, the emails, the toxic people - poof, gone. With fresh, crisp notes of pine, refreshing eucalyptus and a touch of solo backpacking, this candle will have you mentally packing your bags and heading to the mountains, where the only thing that matters is how quickly you can put distance between you and all the nonsense. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for pretending you’re on an epic hike, even if you’re just making breakfast in your kitchen\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eHiking Mountains To Burn Off This Year's Bullshit Candle - P\u003c\/span\u003ero Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re looking for a spiritual reset, but your only option is to pretend you’re hiking up a mountain rather than dealing with another Zoom call. It’s great for when you need to channel “I’m too busy being one with nature” energy but don’t have time to leave the couch\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may spark the overwhelming desire to cancel all your plans and go on a spontaneous hike (or, you know... just nap). Hiking will become addictive whilst you mentally CTRL ALT Delete. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who still wants to talk about “the lessons” they learned this year or worse the 'new year, new me' folk\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191338840411,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Hiking_Mountains_To_Burn_Off_This_Year_s_Bullshit_Candle.png?v=1770822097"},{"product_id":"i-may-turn-unworthy-guys-to-stone-candle","title":"I May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Salted Pear + Vanilla Bean\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know that feeling when you meet someone and your soul just knows? Yeah, it knows you should avoid them like a bad batch of tequila. “I May Turn Unworthy Guys to Stone” is for when your inner Medusa is just waiting to be unleashed and the wrong guys might just get paralysed by their own stupidity. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith subtle notes of salted pear, vanilla bean, and a heavy dose of 'I'm out of your league' (because, duh), this candle radiates the kind of energy that makes anyone who doesn’t deserve you feel like they’ve been hit with a petrifying spell. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for moments when you want to send a clear message: “I’m not here to play, but I might leave permanent damage if you waste my time”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI May Turn Unworthy Guys To Stone Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re getting ready for a night out and you can already feel the energy of “unworthy” guys in the air. This candle won’t actually turn them to stone (we wish), but it’ll definitely make you look like a goddess who can actually do it if you wanted to\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may lead to a sudden, unstoppable desire to give that one guy the “freeze” treatment when he hasn’t figured out how to do basic math (like, how to count your worth). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who doesn’t know what “emotional intelligence” is or thinks “accountability” is just a buzzword\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191366070619,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_May_Turn_Unworthy_Guys_To_Stone_Candle.png?v=1770821974"},{"product_id":"the-more-you-say-fuck-the-more-your-throat-chakra-clears-candle","title":"The More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Samphire + Watermint\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes, the key to clearing your throat chakra is saying exactly what you’re thinking—loudly. “The More You Say Fuck, The More Your Throat Chakra Clears” is here to help you express yourself without holding back. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a soothing blend of lavender, cooling hints of mint and a touch of citrus fruit notes, this candle is perfect for moments when you need to really let things out. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's made for those who believe that a well-placed “fuck” can be just as therapeutic as any meditation session\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe More You Say \"Fuck\", The More Your Throat Chakra Clears Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re holding in your frustration, but can’t quite get the words out. This candle works wonders for helping you speak your mind—loudly and unapologetically\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may lead to a rapid increase in expletives, followed by a sudden sense of freedom. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from people who claim that cursing is “bad for the soul”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191380947291,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/The_More_You_Say_Fuck_The_More_Your_Throat_Chakra_Clears_Candle.png?v=1770821883"},{"product_id":"youve-activated-your-clown-chakra-candle","title":"You've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003eYou've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #000000;\"\u003eScent: Vanilla + Salted Caramel\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCongratulations, you've unlocked a whole new level of clownery. This candle is here to help you embrace the idiocy and absurdity that comes with fully activating your clown chakra.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith soft vanilla notes, a strong scent of salted caramel, and a hint of “I’m here for the comedy,” this candle is perfect for when you’re feeling extra ridiculous or just can’t keep a straight face anymore.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, the ideal companion for when you’re feeling like the punchline, but also the joke writer\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eYou've Activated Your Clown Chakra Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this when you’re about to say something ridiculous, pull a prank, or just generally confuse everyone around you. Best paired with a rubber chicken, juggling balls, or something equally nonsensical.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBonus points for wearing a red nose or making balloon animals just to keep the vibe strong\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle may cause fits of laughter, spontaneous clownish behavior, and a sudden desire to wear over-sized shoes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep away from anyone with a stick up their arse or people who think being funny is \"too much\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191406834011,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/You_ve_Activated_Your_Clown_Chakra_Candle.png?v=1770821795"},{"product_id":"using-an-ouija-board-to-contact-my-sex-life-its-that-dead-candle","title":"Using An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUsing An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Salt + Cypress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s time to face the truth: your sex life is so dead, you’ve started consulting the spirit world. “Using an Ouija Board to Summon My Sex Life, It’s That Dead” is the candle for those who've realised their love life has entered the afterlife as their bedroom feels like a ghost town and the only thing getting moved is the dust. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith hauntingly good notes of water lily, cooling cypress (reminiscent of those cold bed sheets) and a hint of fantasy (because that's all that's left at this point) this candle will give you just enough ambiance to pretend things are heating up - even if it’s actually just the flicker of the wick. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when your sex life is less “hot” and more “resting in peace”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUsing An Ouija Board To Contact My Sex Life, It's That Dead Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you need to get in the mood… for Netflix, snacks, and maybe a nap. This candle won’t exactly bring your sex life back from the dead, but it will give you a better vibe for your solo sessions\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may trigger a spiritual awakening in which you realise your sex life is currently in the grave and probably needs a good resurrection spell (or just a change in your dating app profile). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who says, “You just need to put yourself out there”—because you’ve already tried and all that came back was ghosting\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191448547675,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Using_An_Ouija_Board_To_Contact_My_Sex_Life_It_s_That_Dead_Candle.png?v=1770821700"},{"product_id":"when-youre-trying-to-take-the-moral-high-road-but-people-are-testing-your-inner-cunt-candle","title":"When You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Red Ginger + Grapefruit\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt’s hard trying to stay spiritual in a world that keeps sending you people who desperately need a lesson in basic human decency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle is for when you’re on the verge of taking the moral high road but just one more rude comment might send you straight to the \"I will politely ruin your life\" zone (either that or secretly plotting how you’d roast someone alive in your head!).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith soft, notes of pink grapefruit, fiery ginger (just so they can feel the burn) and a hint of \"stay in your fucking lane\", this candle gives you all the peace you need... until someone says something stupid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for those who have mastered the art of appearing calm while internally shredding people\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen You're Trying To Take The Moral High Road But People Are Testing Your Inner Cunt Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this when someone’s really testing the boundaries of your calm and you just need a second to mentally burn them alive \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis candle may provoke an unholy amount of inner sass, followed by a very polite “I’ll pray for you” with a raised eyebrow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKeep away from chronic drama-stirrers, know-it-alls, and anyone who mistakes kindness for weakness\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191564087643,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/When_You_re_Trying_To_Take_The_Moral_High_Road_But_People_Are_Testing_Your_Inner_Cunt_Candle.png?v=1770821582"},{"product_id":"someone-trying-to-hurt-your-feelings-but-youre-dead-inside-candle","title":"Someone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSomeone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Earl Grey Tea + Cucumber\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, you thought that was going to bother me? That’s cute. But my soul’s been through enough therapy and bullshit to be completely unaffected. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Someone Trying to Hurt Your Feelings But You’re Dead Inside” is the candle for when the world is throwing shade, but you’ve already evaporated into a cloud of pure apathy. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bold notes of bergamot, cooling cucumber, and a dash of “completely unbothered,” this candle sets the tone for when you’ve been through so much emotional drama, nothing hits you anymore. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when your emotional responses are as cold as your ex's heart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSomeone Trying To Hurt Your Feelings But You're Dead Inside Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you’re casually observing someone trying to “trigger” you, while you silently ask yourself, “Is that all you’ve got?” This candle will make you feel like you’re way too mature for their nonsense\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause you to start silently laughing at people who think they can \"get to you\" and develop a new level of emotional detachment. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who insists on \"having deep conversations\" about your feelings, because, there are none left to discuss dear\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191577325915,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Someone_Trying_To_Hurt_Your_Feelings_But_You_re_Dead_Inside_Candle.png?v=1770821416"},{"product_id":"when-you-missed-morning-meditation-now-youre-an-unhinged-bitch-candle","title":"When You Missed Morning Meditation \u0026 Now You're An Unhinged Bitch Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen You Missed Morning Meditation \u0026amp; Now You're An Unhinged Bitch Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Coastal Sage + Balsam Fir\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWe’ve all been there. You skipped your morning meditation, hit snooze five times, and now you’re just one coffee away from fuelling psycho mode. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“When You Missed Morning Meditation and Now You're an Unhinged Bitch” is for the moments your inner peace has completely vanished, leaving behind a caffeine-fuelled tornado of frustration in it's wake. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith fiery notes of wild thyme, cooling fir balsam and a touch of 'don't talk to me', this candle will help you feel a little more centered (or at least smell less like you’re about to lose your mind). \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when you're mentally screaming and trying not to lose your shit at the nearest person within range\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen You Missed Morning Meditation \u0026amp; Now You're An Unhinged Bitch Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it when you realise the day is already off the rails, and you might as well embrace the chaos. This candle won’t calm your nerves, but it will give you a subtle excuse to look way more put together than you feel\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause spontaneous outbursts like, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed,” followed by judgmental glares at anyone who dares to ask “How’s your day going?” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who tries to offer you unsolicited advice about “getting back into the flow” or who offers you a meditative playlist to calm your raging soul\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191581978971,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/UntitledWhen_You_Missed_Morning_Meditation_Now_You_re_An_Unhinged_Bitch_Candle_design_77.png?v=1770821290"},{"product_id":"youve-mistaken-me-for-someone-with-a-blocked-throat-chakra-candle","title":"You've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sea Minerals + Mimosa\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOh, you thought I wouldn’t speak my mind? That’s cute. This is the ultimate candle for anyone who refuses to hold back - whether it’s a scathing truth bomb, a witty comeback, or a perfectly timed “nope.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bold notes of feisty ginger lily, zesty orange and just a hint of unfiltered sass, this candle will set the tone for unapologetically owning your voice. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when someone needs to be reminded that you say what you mean and mean what you say\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou've Mistaken Me For Someone With A Blocked Throat Chakra Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it whenever you’re about to have that conversation. Whether it’s calling someone out or delivering the spicy truth they weren’t ready for, this candle will give you the extra confidence to clear the air and leave no words unsaid\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause brutal honesty, a sudden inability to sugarcoat, and an aura so bold it may scare off weak personalities. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from people who “aren’t ready for the truth” or still believe in passive-aggressiveness as a communication style\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191590531419,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/You_ve_Mistaken_Me_For_Someone_With_A_Blocked_Throat_Chakra_Candle.png?v=1770821173"},{"product_id":"doing-yoga-to-burn-off-all-the-crazy-candle","title":"Doing Yoga To Burn Off All The Crazy Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDoing Yoga To Burn Off All The Crazy Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Ocean Musk \u0026amp; Citrus\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause who needs a therapist when you can just bend yourself into a human pretzel and hope the insanity sweats itself out? “Doing Yoga to Burn Off All the Crazy” is for when life has you on the verge of spiraling, and you’re banking on yoga to pull you back from the brink. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith soothing notes of ocean musk, citrus fruits and a subtle whiff of “please don’t make me do crow pose,” this candle brings all the calm you wish you actually felt. 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Bonus points if you make it through class without muttering “This is bullshit” under your breath\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause excessive use of phrases like “namaste away from me” and the desire to flee mid-class when someone asks you to “connect with your breath.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep away from anyone who “doesn’t believe in yoga” but absolutely believes in stressing you out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191594889563,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Doing_Yoga_To_Burn_Off_All_The_Crazy_Candle.png?v=1770820658"},{"product_id":"im-in-need-of-some-grounding-a-cabin-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-away-from-humanity-candle","title":"I'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026 A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026amp; A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Forest Fern + English Oak\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen life has you Googling “remote cabins with no Wi-Fi” and fantasising about becoming a woodland hermit, this candle gets it. “I’m in the Need of Some Grounding and a Cabin in the Middle of Nowhere Away from Humanity” captures the vibe of disconnecting from the mayhem and reuniting with your soul... or at least escaping Karen from accounting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith grounding notes of fresh fern, earthy cedarwood and just a hint of “leave me the hell alone,” this candle creates the peaceful atmosphere of an off-the-grid getaway - without the bugs or bad cell service.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, perfect for when you need a break from pretending to like people or can't deal with them anymore.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI'm In Need Of Some Grounding \u0026amp; A Cabin In The Middle Of Nowhere Away From Humanity Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight it when your phone is blowing up with group texts, emails, and drama you didn’t sign up for. Pair with an imaginary escape plan and the soothing sound of fake forest noises on Spotify.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis candle may cause you to pack a bag and disappear into the woods. Keep away from anyone who uses the phrase “we should hang out more” when you’re clearly trying to not hang out with anyone at all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMay attract isolation for a few weeks. But will leave you in a state of much needed bliss\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":48191600886107,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_m_In_Need_Of_Some_Grounding_A_Cabin_In_The_Middle_Of_Nowhere_Away_From_Humanity_Candle.png?v=1770820555"},{"product_id":"coffee-spelled-backwards-is-eeffoc-so-i-literally-dont-give-eeffoc-until-ive-had-my-coffee-candle","title":"Coffee Spelled Backwards Is Eeffoc, So I Literally Don't Give Eeffoc Until I've Had My Coffee Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eCoffee Spelled Backwards Is Eeffoc, So I Literally Don't Give Eeffoc Until I've Had My Coffee Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Columbian Coffee Bean\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBefore coffee, you’re a shell of a human. After coffee? Still questionable, but at least you’re functioning. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"Coffee Spelled Backwards Is Eeffoc, So I Literally Don't Give Eeffoc Until I've Had My Coffee\" is for anyone who lives by the sacred mantra: “Don’t talk to me until I’ve caffeinated.” \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith rich coffee notes, a touch of creamy vanilla, and a hint of “coffee first, people second” this candle captures the essence of what it takes to survive mornings - or people. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s the perfect companion for bleary-eyed mornings or when your soul just needs a shot of aromatic support\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCoffee Spelled Backwards Is Eeffoc, So I Literally Don't Give Eeffoc Until I've Had My Coffee Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this while brewing your first cup of the day for maximum transformation from gremlin to goddess. Bonus: It works wonders when paired with a pastry and total silence.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause side-eye for anyone who tries to interact with you pre-coffee. 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It’s like being a kid, but now you’re in charge, on the bones of your arse, stressed, and perpetually exhausted.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"Adulting... Fucking Bullshit. Do Not Recommend\" is here for the moments when life feels like one long email thread you can’t unsubscribe from. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith the comforting scent of “I give up” (aka fresh cotton and cherry blossom) and a dash of “how did I get here” (think cedarwood and despair), it’s the perfect companion for when you’re drowning in adulthood and no one’s throwing you a lifeboat. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free - because at least your candle isn’t a disappointment\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eAdulting... 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With a bold splash of tequila, wild blue agave, and a hint of “don't ask me what I'm doing with my life, I'm doing me” this candle is your official permission slip to stop pretending you have it all figured out (even at 40) and start doing whatever the fuck makes you happy. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for burning while torching the expectations society tried to dump on you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis Stage Of My Life Is Called A Mid-Life Fuck It Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when you're ready to make peace with your past and raise hell in the present whilst not explaining yourself to anyone.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in impulsive decisions, brutally honest conversations, and the best sex you’ve had since your 20s\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51919928525147,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/This_Stage_Of_My_Life_Is_Called_A_Mid-Life_Fuck_It_Candle.png?v=1770819997"},{"product_id":"im-not-anti-social-im-anti-bullshit-candle","title":"I'm Not Anti-Social, I'm Anti-Bullshit Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eI'm Not Anti-Social, I'm Anti-Bullshit Candle\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Water Lotus + Pomelo\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor those who would rather gouge their eyes out than listen to another person drone on about their ‘minimalist lifestyle’ or 'woke' opinions that change based on the last Instagram post they saw.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith notes of blossom lotus, peach and a touch of “I’ve heard enough” it’s perfect to help you mentally block out the bullshit while physically blocking the door.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhether you're trying to survive a friend group gathering or dodge the latest office gossip, this candle has your back. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free is ideal when you're trying to turn off all the noise whilst telling everyone around you, “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just waiting for you to stop talking shit.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight this bad boy when you're in the mood to shut down any conversation that’s 99% bullshit and 1% regret.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eI'm Not Anti-Social, I'm Anti-Bullshit Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBurn this when you’re at the family gathering and Aunt Karen is giving you unsolicited life advice. It won’t stop her from talking, but it will make you care less.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDo not light this candle if you're near someone who still believes in “manifesting” things into existence. They might try to turn it into a \"vision board session\" and you’ll end up getting a free crash course in bullshit management\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960580768091,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_m_Not_Anti-Social_I_m_Anti-Bullshit_Candle.png?v=1770819887"},{"product_id":"keep-your-head-high-your-middle-finger-higher-candle","title":"Keep Your Head High \u0026 Your Middle Finger Higher Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep Your Head High \u0026amp; Your Middle Finger Higher Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Sweet Lychee + Dragonfruit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the unapologetic badasses who handle life’s nonsense with poise and a perfectly raised middle finger because life’s too short to bow your head to idiots or tolerate their bullshit. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle is here to keep your chin up and your standards higher. With sweet notes of lychee, bold dragonfruit and a hint of \"don't let the door hit you on your way out,\" this is your reminder to rise above the bullshit - while making it clear you’re not here for games.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for anyone who walks through life like a boss and leaves the bullshit in the dust\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKeep Your Head High \u0026amp; Your Middle Finger Higher Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this after dealing with passive-aggressive emails, entitled neighbors, or any attempt at unasked for opinions. It’ll help you reclaim your throne and savor your zero-fucks-given energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay inspire zero-tolerance policies for idiocy, an increase of flying middle fingers, and the occasional mic drop moment. Burn at your own (or someone else’s) risk\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960582144347,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Keep_Your_Head_High_Your_Middle_Finger_Higher_Candle.png?v=1770819778"},{"product_id":"camping-no-wifi-no-people-no-bullshit-candle","title":"Camping... No WIFI. No People. No Bullshit Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCamping... No WIFI. No People. No Bullshit Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Earthy Iris + Salted Moss\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eModern problems require ancient solutions - like grabbing a tent and ghosting society because there's no drama out in the wild. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle is for those who'd rather choose the bear than engage in any human interaction. With earthy iris, salted moss, and a hint of “soul-soothing escapism to disappear into the wilderness\", it smells like freedom, fresh air, and faking your own disappearance. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those who think WiFi is the root of all evil and would rather listen to crickets than small talk. Just you, the great outdoors, and a glorious lack of bullshit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCamping... No WIFI. No People. No Bullshit Candle - \u003cspan\u003ePro Tip  \u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight it after a long day of peopling, when you need to mentally pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere and scream into the void (but, like, peacefully)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a sudden urge to fantasise about yeeting your phone into a lake whilst not giving a single shiny shite about any civilisation\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960587387227,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Camping..._No_WIFI._No_People._No_Bullshit_Candle.png?v=1770819659"},{"product_id":"happiness-is-on-ten-acres-with-no-shitheads-in-sight-candle","title":"Happiness Is On Ten Acres With No Shitheads In Sight Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappiness Is On Ten Acres With No Shitheads In Sight Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Purple Basil + Amberwood\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe dream of your own personal paradise, where the only spectacle comes from squirrels squabbling over acorns. This candle transforms your space into a sanctuary for the socially drained. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith purple basil, warm amberwood, and a hint of “good luck finding me,” this candle brings the serene vibes of secluded land tucked away in a place no-one roams. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for imagining a life far away from unwelcome people and nosy neighbours.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappiness Is On Ten Acres With No Shitheads In Sight Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this while plotting your escape to the forest - or at least while scrolling real estate listings you can’t afford. Bonus points if you turn your phone off and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause an uncontrollable urge to build a fence, invest in chickens, and never deal with people again. Keep away from anyone who insists on \"popping by unannounced\" or thinks small talk is a personality trait\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960619958619,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Happiness_Is_On_Ten_Acres_With_No_Shitheads_In_Sight_Candle.png?v=1770819485"},{"product_id":"sometimes-you-just-need-the-happiness-fucked-back-into-your-soul-candle","title":"Sometimes You Just Need The Happiness Fucked Back Into Your Soul Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes You Just Need The Happiness Fucked Back Into Your Soul Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Pink Grapefruit + Tangelo\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen life’s chaos has sucked the joy right out of you, \"Sometimes You Just Need The Happiness Fucked Back Into Your Soul\" is here to light the way back to your happy place.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bursting juicy grapefruit, zesty tangelo, and a touch of “come correct or don't come at all\" this candle gives off major “soul restoration” vibes. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for the days when your serotonin levels need a jumpstart, turning your pity party into a full-on celebration of self-restoration\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSometimes You Just Need The Happiness Fucked Back Into Your Soul Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when the weight of the world is crushing you and life’s feeling more like a four-part documentary on disappointment. One whiff and you’ll remember who the hell you are\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause a sudden shift in energy, a glow-up in mood, and absolutely zero tolerance for soul-sucking nonsense. Keep away from anyone who tries to dull your shine. Will absolutely trigger an urge to leave emotionally draining people on read\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960675107163,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Sometimes_You_Just_Need_The_Happiness_Fucked_Back_Into_Your_Soul_Candle.png?v=1770819235"},{"product_id":"if-i-was-a-bird-i-know-who-i-would-shit-on","title":"If I Was A Bird, I Know Who I Would Shit On Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-565efc9c-7fff-0830-8189-c3b0dbd46426\"\u003e\u003c\/b\u003eFunny Candles for Housewarming Gifts UK - If I Was A Bird, I Know Who I Would Shit On Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Tuscan Rosemary + Guaiacwood\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHave you been looking for funny candles for housewarming gifts? Have you ever wished karma worked faster? Well, this candle is the next best thing. It's a perfect housewarming gift to make people think about those moments when they are fantasising about sweet revenge from above. Scented with fragrant rosemary, smoky guaiacwood, and a hint of 'let’s see if you can dodge this..'. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunny Candles for Housewarming Gifts UK - Soy Wax, Vegan ...\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free - because even your imaginary bird self is classy - it’s designed to help you channel your inner aviary vengeance with style. How fabulous would this be as a housewarming gift?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eIf I Was A Bird, I Know Who I Would Shit On Candle \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this candle while making a mental list of all the people who need a swift visit from your hypothetical poop bomb squad. Extra points if you do it with a cheeky grin and a glass of wine\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eFunny Candles for Housewarming Gifts UK - \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle will not actually summon karmic bird justice, but it will give you the satisfaction of imagining it. Keep away from anyone who says “just be the bigger person.” You’re too busy being the bird\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960677597531,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/If_I_Was_A_Bird_I_Know_Who_I_Would_Shit_On_Candle_nbsp_Pro_Tip.png?v=1770818856"},{"product_id":"the-path-to-inner-peace-begins-with-four-words-not-my-fucking-problem-candle","title":"The Path To Inner Peace Begins With Four Words... Not My Fucking Problem Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Path To Inner Peace Begins With Four Words... Not My Fucking Problem Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Wild Lavender + Blue Fern\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eInner peace doesn’t mean you have to put up with everyone’s fuckery. Inner peace means learning to shut the door on it. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"The Path To Inner Peace Begins With Four Words ... Not My Fucking Problem\" is about finally realising that other people’s nonsense is not your circus, not your monkeys. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith soothing lavender, fresh blue fern, and a hint of “sort your own shit out” this candle is your ultimate guide to zen-level detachment. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for when you’re ready to exhale the nonsense and inhale the freedom of not giving a shit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Path To Inner Peace Begins With Four Words... Not My Fucking Problem Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this while silently repeating your new mantra: “Not. My. Fucking. Problem.” Bonus points if you burn it after dodging a request to fix someone else’s life\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in unapologetic self-care, brutal honesty, and the sudden ability to walk away from other people’s life drama without a backward glance. Keep away from anyone expecting you to be their unpaid therapist. Not recommended for people who thrive on being martyrs\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51960682348891,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/The_Path_To_Inner_Peace_Begins_With_Four_Words..._Not_My_Fucking_Problem_Candle.png?v=1770818145"},{"product_id":"hear-no-shit-speak-no-shit-take-no-shit-candle","title":"Hear No Shit. Speak No Shit. Take No Shit Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHear No Shit. Speak No Shit. Take No Shit Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Pink Pepper + Cardamom\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome days, the world is a circus, and you’re done watching the clowns perform. \"Hear No Shit, Speak No Shit, Take No Shit\" is for when you’ve had enough of the noise, the drama, and the people who just can’t stop talking about themselves. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith warm pink pepper, spicy cardamom, and a touch of “get me some noise-cancelling headphones” this candle creates an invisible force field that keeps out all of the unnecessary bullshit. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for keeping your personal bubble intact while the world tries to dump its bullshit at your feet\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHear No Shit. Speak No Shit. Take No Shit Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when you’re dealing with the person who tries to unload their daily drama on to you. Bonus points if you can keep your peace while giving them nothing but dead eyes. Best used when you feel a sixth sense for stupidity coming on. Burn it early, burn it often.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle may cause an alarming increase in your side-eye skills and an overwhelming urge to practice the art of selective hearing. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse when your ears have been pushed far past their boundaries listening to unnecessary shit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51964223783259,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Hear_No_Shit._Speak_No_Shit._Take_No_Shit_Candle.png?v=1770817685"},{"product_id":"im-stuck-between-i-dont-know-i-dont-care-i-dont-give-a-fuck-candle","title":"I'm Stuck Between I Don't Know, I Don't Care \u0026 I Don't Give A Fuck Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI'm Stuck Between I Don't Know, I Don't Care \u0026amp; I Don't Give A Fuck Candle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScent: Blood Orange + Verbena\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to the sweet spot of burnout and apathy - where thoughts don’t stay long, motivation’s on a permanent holiday, and your give-a-fuck meter flatlined days ago. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis candle is for those glorious moments when you’ve officially run out of responses, energy, and sympathy for everyone else’s nonsense. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith bold blood orange, sharp verbena, and just a hint of “ask someone who gives a shit,” this scent screams chaotic peace. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those days when you’re emotionally buffering and spiritually logged out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI'm Stuck Between I Don't Know, I Don't Care \u0026amp; I Don't Give A Fuck Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when your brain has hit ‘Ctrl+Alt+Delete’ and your soul is busy setting up an out-of-office message that just says “No.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in sudden eye-rolls, sarcastic comebacks, and an irresistible desire to mute the entire world\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ASTROLLOGY","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51964228469083,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/I_m_Stuck_Between_I_Don_t_Know_I_Don_t_Care_I_Don_t_Give_A_Fuck_Candle.png?v=1770817442"},{"product_id":"youre-not-a-regular-cunt-youre-the-deluxe-edition-candle","title":"You're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eYou're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Spring Freesia + Amberwood\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eNot everyone has what it takes to be this spectacularly irritating. Most people dabble in the occasional moment of cuntish behaviour. But you? You've committed to the lifestyle. Full-time. No days off. You have the confidence, the audacity, and the remarkable ability to say something wildly unnecessary in every single situation. It’s not just annoying—it’s practically a skill. With elegant notes of spring freesia, warm amberwood, and a hint of “top-tier fucking audacity,” it’s fresh, smooth, and far classier than the behaviour it’s clearly inspired by. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while appreciating the rare talent it takes to be this confidently unbearable.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eYou're Not A Regular Cunt, You're The Deluxe Edition - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eGift this to someone who truly deserves recognition for their world-class level of cuntery. If they laugh, they’ve got self-awareness. If they get offended… well, the candle clearly did its job.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot responsible for bruised egos, shattered illusions or the sudden urge to start ranking people by cunt tier. Side effects include ruthless boundary setting and the comforting knowledge that while many people are annoying… only a select few achieve deluxe cunt status.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52554680762715,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/Untitleddesign-2026-03-10T215909.293.png?v=1773179999"},{"product_id":"may-his-teeth-fall-out-when-he-smiles-at-other-bitches","title":"May His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Nectarine Blossom + Strawberry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eI'm not saying be jealous... I'm just saying \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eif he’s out there flashing that smile at women he has absolutely no business smiling at, then a small, deeply satisfying part of you still hopes the universe restores order in the pettiest form -\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e hoping karma clocks in for overtime. May his flirting flop, his chat dry up, and may that smug little smile lose a few fucking teeth along the way. If he's going to act like he's God's gift to women, he can do it while sipping soup through a straw.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy nectarine blossom, sweet strawberry, and a hint of \"fuck around and find out\" this candle is equal parts sweet, petty, and delightfully vindictive. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for embracing your inner menace without having to lift a perfectly manicured finger yet \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ealso fully capable of wishing minor dental disasters upon disloyal men.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay His Teeth Fall Out When He Smiles At Other Bitches - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever he starts acting like loyalty is a suggestion instead of the bare fucking minimum. Then sit back and let the universe handle the rest.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay result in uncontrollable pettiness, suspiciously timed dental emergencies, and the overwhelming belief that the universe has an exceptional sense of humour when it comes to karma and comedic timing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777355309403,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_11.png?v=1786655419"},{"product_id":"when-life-gives-you-lemons-squeeze-them-in-peoples-eyes-candle","title":"When Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Sparkling Sicilian Lemonade\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eLife is always banging on about \"making lemonade\" but fuck that. Some people deserve a refreshing beverage. Other people deserve a face full of citrus. They say revenge is toxic but in reality vitamin C is an essential nutrient. If life insists on handing you lemons, don't waste them making drinks for people who make your life miserable. Aim higher... preferably towards the source of your fucking irritation.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with sparkling Sicilian lemonade and a hint of \"citric acid with attitude,\" this candle is fresh, zingy, and as subtle as a brick through a window. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it's perfect for anyone whose last shred of patience expired three minor inconveniences ago.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze Them In People's Eyes - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe best revenge is living well... but imagining this is a very close second.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause excessive cackling, dangerously low tolerance for dickheads and an irrational urge to carry lemons everywhere \"just in case.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777383031131,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_12.png?v=1786656259"},{"product_id":"deja-poo-the-felling-ive-heard-this-shit-before-candle","title":"Deja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Summer Watermelon + Fruits\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know the moment where someone starts talking and suddenly you’re hit with the strange but familiar sensation… like you’ve heard this exact same load of absolute shit before. The dramatic storytelling that somehow keeps repeating itself like a badly written sequel nobody asked for. This candle is for those moments when you realise it’s not déjà vu - it’s the unsettling realisation that you’re once again being served the same recycled crap, assaulting your ears like it’s brand new information. Spoiler: it fucking isn’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith juicy notes of fresh watermelon, sweet fruit and a hint of “this sounds like, last week's bullshit,” it’s bright, fruity, and far more refreshing than the verbal diarrhoea currently being misrepresented as conversation. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for lighting while you nod politely and internally scream “I’ve heard this shit before.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eDeja Poo, The Feeling I've Heard This Shit Before - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this the second someone says “hear me out…” because you already know you’ve heard it, you’ve processed it and it was still crap the first time around.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause the sudden urge to say “funny, that’s not what you said last time.” With side effects including zero patience for repeat offenders, elite-level bullshit detection and a deep appreciation for silence over listening to the same tiring fucking nonsense on repeat.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53777471308123,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_13.png?v=1786657708"},{"product_id":"may-your-final-stage-of-healing-be-telling-everyone-to-go-fuck-themselves-candle","title":"May Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Himalayan Mango + Papaya\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eApparently healing means forgiveness, acceptance and becoming so spiritually evolved that nothing bothers you anymore. Most often though, healing is actually looking at the person who fucked with your peace, took the piss out of your kindness and finally having the emotional clarity to say, “Go fuck yourself.” Simple closure with a very satisfying amount of profanity.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with juicy Himalayan mango, luscious papaya and a hint of “I've finally stopped giving a fuck,” this candle is tropical sweetness with a savage fucking attitude. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for celebrating the moment you stop trying to understand why someone treated you like shit and start understanding that their behaviour is their fucking problem.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMay Your Final Stage Of Healing Be Telling Everyone To Go Fuck Themselves - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this whenever you're somewhere between forgiving the unforgivable and being everyone’s emotional punch bag, because enlightenment hit you like a brick but the real glow-up is realising half the people around you are the problem. Simply admire your newfound emotional maturity from a safe fucking distance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause you to relax in the quiet satisfaction of finally choosing your peace over other people’s drivel and the sudden ability to remove them from your life without writing a fucking dissertation explaining why.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798305792347,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_14.png?v=1786883649"},{"product_id":"cuntstipation-an-emotional-blockage-from-dealing-with-too-many-cunts-candle","title":"Cuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eCuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Honey Amberwood + Nectar\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere comes a point when you've dealt with so many fucking idiots, narcissists, drama queens, energy vampires and general-grade cunts that your emotions simply stop moving. You're not heartless, you've just become emotionally constipated from swallowing everyone's bullshit for far too fucking long. Your empathy is backed up, your patience has gone missing and frankly, your last remaining fuck has blocked the fucking toilet.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with warm honey, rich amberwood and a hint of “I'm emotionally too full of your shit,” this candle is the sweet-smelling equivalent of finally giving your sanity a fucking enema - the aromatherapy laxative for your soul. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for unclenching your jaw, releasing pent-up rage and remembering that other people's problems aren't automatically your fucking bowel movement to deal with.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCuntstipation... An Emotional Blockage From Dealing With Too Many Cunts - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when someone says “Can I just vent?” and every cell in your body screams “ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.” Put the phone down. Protect your peace. Let someone else deal with their shit for once.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eMay cause emotional evacuation, the knowing that your problem isn't a lack of empathy - it's an excess of fucking people and the sudden realisation that you've actually been carrying around more cunts than a fucking toilet roll holder.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53798389154139,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_15.png?v=1786885017"},{"product_id":"front-row-tickets-to-the-abysmal-shitshow-thats-life","title":"Front Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life","description":"\u003ch2\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Buttered Toffee Popcorn\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan class=\"markestkuypjz uM2yb\"\u003eCongratulations\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e! You've been upgraded to front row for the longest-running fucking disaster known to humanity: your own life. Tonight's performance includes questionable decisions, unexpected bills, emotional damage, people behaving like absolute cunts, and at least one plot twist nobody fucking asked for. The best part? You're both the audience and the fucking cast.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with buttery toffee, freshly popped popcorn and a hint of “well, this is going to be fucking interesting,” this candle is the perfect popcorn-filled soundtrack to life's ongoing catastrophe and infinitely more enjoyable than whatever fresh bullshit life has decided to throw at you today. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for sitting back, lighting the fuse and watching the shit show unfold from the best seat in the house.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFront Row Tickets To The Abysmal Shitshow That's Life - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen life starts falling apart, don't panic. Grab the popcorn, light this candle and remember: at least you're getting a fucking front-row view.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause inappropriate laughter during personal crises, dangerously high levels of sarcasm and the sudden realisation that your life has enough plot twists to qualify for it's own series on Netflix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800216527195,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_16.png?v=1786911589"},{"product_id":"when-i-say-have-a-nice-day-remember-that-the-fucker-is-silent-candle","title":"When I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Coco Caramel + Macadamia\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e“Have a nice day” - The socially acceptable way of saying “I sincerely hope you fuck off motherfucker.” Because apparently telling someone exactly what you think is “rude”, so we smile sweetly, maintain eye contact and hide an entire fucking expletive behind six innocent little words. It’s basically emotional camouflage for people who have exhausted every ounce of their patience.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with creamy coco caramel, indulgent macadamia, and a hint of “go fuck yourself, but make it polite,” this candle is sweet enough to disguise the sheer amount of contempt in the room. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for those moments when murder is frowned upon but passive aggression is still technically legal.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhen I Say \"Have A Nice Day\" Remember That The 'Fucker' Is Silent - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen someone has pissed you off beyond comprehension, smile sweetly and say, “Have a nice day.” Then walk away knowing the fucker is silent, but the message is crystal fucking clear.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause weaponised politeness and an uncontrollable urge to say “have a nice day” to people who absolutely fucking deserve a different greeting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800229536091,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/When_I_Say_Have_A_Nice_Day_Remember_That_The_Fucker_Is_Silent_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786915539"},{"product_id":"people-are-arseholes-just-make-sure-youre-not-the-toilet-paper-candle","title":"People Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Ylang Ylang Bloom + Green Stem\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLet’s face it, people can be absolute fucking arseholes. They’ll dump their problems on you, wipe their emotional shit all over your boundaries all while expecting you to clean up after them like you're the human equivalent of fucking bog roll. But you don't have to be the toilet paper. You can have boundaries, standards and the glorious ability to say, “that's your shit - wipe your own fucking arse.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with delicate ylang ylang bloom, fresh green stems and a hint of “I'm not cleaning up your bullshit,” this candle is floral, fresh and considerably more pleasant than most people. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for protecting your peace, strengthening your boundaries, and reminding everyone else to deal with their own fucking mess.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003ePeople Are Arseholes, Just Make Sure You're Not The Toilet Paper - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this whenever someone starts dumping their emotional diarrhoea at your feet. Remember: you're a person, not fucking Andrex. Let them take their shit elsewhere.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause savage boundary-setting, reduced tolerance for emotional diarrhea and the sudden realisation that some people need a therapist, a bin and a roll of toilet paper but none of those things need to be you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53800259879259,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/People_Are_Arseholes_Just_Make_Sure_You_re_Not_The_Toilet_Paper_Candle_-_Astrollogy_Candles.png?v=1786916208"},{"product_id":"some-shitty-people-are-like-clouds-when-they-disappear-its-a-beautiful-day-candle","title":"Some Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Clean Cotton + Lily Florals\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome people really do have a remarkable talent for sucking the sunshine out of every fucking room they enter. Then they finally disappear and suddenly... birds are singing, your blood pressure drops, and life feels suspiciously fucking lovely. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Sometimes the best weather forecast is simply “that prick has left.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScented with fresh clean cotton, delicate lily florals, and a hint of “finally, some fucking peace and quiet,” this candle smells like opening every window after a toxic bastard has left the building. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for cleansing your space of bad vibes, unnecessary drama, and people who somehow turn every conversation into a fucking hostage situation.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSome Shitty People Are Like Clouds, When They Disappear It's A Beautiful Day - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this when someone you can't stand leaves the room. Take a deep breath, enjoy the silence, and appreciate how fucking beautiful life becomes when the human cloud has fucked off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause sudden happiness, improved mood, spontaneous dancing, and the shocking discovery that you actually quite like life when certain people aren't ruining it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53805969113435,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_17.png?v=1787000230"},{"product_id":"10-000-light-years-isnt-enough-space-from-some-people-candle","title":"10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Raspberry + Lemon Tonic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAstronauts train for years to experience the kind of peace you've been trying to obtain just by avoiding that one person. This candle is for the soul that needs serious distance - from the energy vampires, the drama magnets and the loud chewers of the world. Some people don't need a little personal space, just a one-way ticket to the Great Void. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith a blend of cosmic raspberry, fizzy lemon tonic and just a hint of “Houston, we have a huge fucking problem” this scent is pure intergalactic solitude in a jar and delightfully out of this world. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for creating your own little universe where drama, bullshit and irritating humans only exist beyond the milky way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e10,000 Light Years Isn't Enough Space From Some People - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight this to cleanse your orbit of unwanted energy, unwanted fucking humans and for when you feel like launching yourself into space or someone else into the sun. As long as it's far above the fucking stratosphere, either works\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSide effects may include stellar fantasies of people vanishing into blackholes, fewer idiots in your orbit and a strong desire to live in another dimension... ALONE\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845658075483,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_2.png?v=1787261230"},{"product_id":"a-blue-whales-bumhole-can-stretch-to-3-a-half-feet-making-it-the-second-largest-arsehole-on-the-planet-after-your-ex-candle","title":"A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026 A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle","description":"\u003ch2\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eScent: Marine Horizon + Salt Water\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNature is fascinating. Majestic oceans, beautiful marine life and the comforting reminder that no matter how vast the sea is, somehow your ex still manages to be the biggest arsehole in existence. Not just a bit of an arse. Not even a large arse. Only record-breaking, history-making, absolutely unmatched level of arseholery. The kind that deserves its own Attenborough documentary attached with a warning label. To think evolution had peaked until it produced that. This candle is your salty, sea-breezy tribute to moving on, levelling up, and laughing at the fact that this kind of arseholery could be seen from space, studied by experts and still leave them asking how the fuck this happened!?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eScented with fresh marine florals, crisp salt water and a hint of “should’ve blocked you sooner,” this candle is your reminder that you escaped something truly spectacularly awful and delivers wave after wave of clarity with a strong undercurrent of knowing you'll never allow that to happen again. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for reminding yourself you deserve oceans better than any swimming red flag, but notably this one.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eA Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 \u0026amp; A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle - Pro Tip\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003eLight this every time your brain tries to rewrite history and make them seem less awful than they were. Inhale deeply and let the truth hit you like a tsunami wave. Trust the scent because your past self deserved better. Some things belong, to rot, in the deep blue sea, far away from you.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWarning\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv dir=\"auto\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMay cause aggressive closure and the sudden realisation that your ex wasn’t just an arsehole, they were the benchmark for all future disappointments. Thank your past self for finally binning the waste of oxygen so that you can now pretend they were a mere glitch in the matrix.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Astrollogy Candles","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53845940011355,"sku":null,"price":10.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/files\/NewBackgrounds_20.png?v=1787262871"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/9783\/0491\/collections\/Copy_of_Untitled_Design.png?v=1768048253","url":"https:\/\/astrollogycandles.co.uk\/collections\/popular-candles.oembed?page=3","provider":"Astrollogy Candles","version":"1.0","type":"link"}