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A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 & A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle
A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 & A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle
Regular price
£10.50 GBP
Regular price
Sale price
£10.50 GBP
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A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 & A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex
Scent: Marine Horizon + Salt Water
Nature is fascinating. Majestic oceans, beautiful marine life and the comforting reminder that no matter how vast the sea is, somehow your ex still manages to be the biggest arsehole in existence. Not just a bit of an arse. Not even a large arse. Only record-breaking, history-making, absolutely unmatched level of arseholery. The kind that deserves its own Attenborough documentary attached with a warning label. To think evolution had peaked until it produced that. This candle is your salty, sea-breezy tribute to moving on, levelling up, and laughing at the fact that this kind of arseholery could be seen from space, studied by experts and still leave them asking how the fuck this happened!?
Scented with fresh marine florals, crisp salt water and a hint of “should’ve blocked you sooner,” this candle is your reminder that you escaped something truly spectacularly awful and delivers wave after wave of clarity with a strong undercurrent of knowing you'll never allow that to happen again. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it’s perfect for reminding yourself you deserve oceans better than any swimming red flag, but notably this one.
A Blue Whale's Bumhole Can Stretch To 3 & A Half Feet Making It The Second Largest Arsehole On The Planet After Your Ex Candle - Pro Tip
Light this every time your brain tries to rewrite history and make them seem less awful than they were. Inhale deeply and let the truth hit you like a tsunami wave. Trust the scent because your past self deserved better. Some things belong, to rot, in the deep blue sea, far away from you.
Warning
May cause aggressive closure and the sudden realisation that your ex wasn’t just an arsehole, they were the benchmark for all future disappointments. Thank your past self for finally binning the waste of oxygen so that you can now pretend they were a mere glitch in the matrix.
Coconut + Soy Wax
Coconut + Soy Wax
Our candles are made with a premium blend of coconut and soy wax because paraffin is officially cancelled. We’re not here for toxic fumes, shady ingredients, or any candle red flags — just a cleaner burn, longer life, and vibes that won’t try to assassinate your sinuses
Vegan
Vegan
Plant-based from wick to wax, our candles are vegan because we believe peace, love, and not stealing ingredients from animals is kind of the bare minimum
Cruelty-Free
Cruelty-Free
Cruelty-free and conscience-approved, we don't use any ingredients tested on animals so that you can enjoy your candles totally guilt-free
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