I Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering "Go Fuck Yourself" Into My Ear Candle

I Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering 'Go Fuck Yourself' Into My Ear

Scent: Sun-Kissed Peach + Orchard

As Sunday evening approaches, the looming dread of Monday morning kicks in reminding you that the freedom of the weekend was only temporary. The long, miserable parade of meetings, emails and pretending to give a shit stretches out in front of you like a highway to hell—five whole days before the sweet, beautiful relief of the next weekend finally shows its face again.

This candle is your final act of rebellion before the corporate shitshow resumes. With juicy notes of ripe peach, sun-soaked orchard fruit and a hint of ‘utter loathing for Monday fucking mornings’, it smells like carefree summer days—aka the complete opposite of opening your inbox at 9:01am. Hand-poured with coconut and soy wax, vegan and cruelty-free, it burns longer than your patience for Monday morning bullshit and your will to live, which at this rate, will clock out before you do.

I Can Already Hear Monday Morning Whispering 'Go Fuck Yourself' Into My Ear - Pro Tip

Light this candle Sunday night while presetting your twenty alarms for Monday morning just to help motivate you to get out of bed ahead of the dreaded working week. It burns calmly while you spiral wondering about what fresh hell the upcoming week will bring and mentally calculating how many coffees it’s going to take just to survive it.

Warning

May cause aggressive snoozing, spontaneous swearing at alarm clocks, and a deep desire to disappear into thin air before 9am. Side effects include muttering “only four more days…” every afternoon and counting down to Friday like a prisoner marking lines on a wall. Use caution around productivity gurus and anyone who says “I love Mondays!” with a straight face.